Today, I'm down - Man Down

Spirit feels so close to broken. I had a long and trying day. Toasted by the Sun, annoyed by my own complaining, drawn out by simplicity and lost to the devices of much weaker and less fortunate men.(Yes both weaker and less fortunate).

Perhaps, I simply need a good meal. Perhaps, I merely need a hug. But I do not want help. I would much rather struggle through the tears that I will be crying today. I do not want to talk with any person or interact in any healthy way. The mood on me is very self destructive and a cry for help. Yet, knowing this does nothing for how I want to let it all fall apart. I do not know who could intervene with a positive perspective because I am in pain - emotionally. Like the lion with a prick in the pad of the paw, I am neither calm nor accepting right now. I want love but can't receive it. What am I to do? I am so very confounding at this moment.

Here is a thought in my head: Forget every single entity that presumed to know from which perspective I approached, they cannot grasp my ability with thought; they have all been mediocre and simple minded. I talk with elders as equals but not with insolence, with venerable tones and upward inquisitive request. The elders have almost absolutely respected my pride, dignity and thirst for knowledge. I learned to stun them with thoughts that they could have never instigated with their perspectives. I reached inside their heads and learned them, working hard to become like them to know what they know and why. Of course, most of that was naive however the jewels of wisdom that I received(especially when healthy unjaded jewels) were timeless as well as enriching. I learned to put myself out there that required me to be tested by people because the more I learn the better I am. Always taking notes, studious at studying life. I've come a very long way from being a potentially brilliant specialist like most individuals to becoming literally an every man in my own way. On a day like this, none of that matters. On a day like this, I'm simply tired of being alone. I'd almost pay for company but I simply have too much pride and too great a smile. Even my saddest days won't take me beyond the depths of depravity that would inspire me to do such a desperate act of loneliness.

Despicable!

Do I need to tell you that I ain't judging? Forget how you see it. What do I care about your narrow-minded and limited thinking capabilities to try and throw a title on everything(Narrow/small/simple/weak-minded individuals are the bane of my existence-I love children but cannot "stomach" adults with the mental capacities of children). One of the most pointless yet shameful displays of vanity that people mindlessly over look.

Before I insult another person, I'll end this post. Insults are not my intention regardless of how I feel. I do apologize for the harsh comment but such is truly how I feel. Yes, I am aware that it borders on hypocrisy but I could not be halved to care.
This is the brain child of my inability to count out knocked out fighters expecting that they will be like the scorched forest to grow anew amidst the spoils and scars of the flickering flames.

Wish me well, wish me hell just take care of yourselves.
This is my love for now.