Friday, June 29, 2012

Enjoyment


Innumerably enjoyable people. Endless laughter; infinite affection.
First meeting and yet they feel like old acquaintances. Engaging & captivating; these people fit perfectly into the flow of time. Placid in the midst of chaos. Focused in the expanse of despair.
Sometimes, I only like certain minor aspects of the person while other times I will like most of what I encounter during interacting with them. Most nobody can tell the difference in my expressions of excitement and acceptance.
There are those rare people who awaken within me, a veritable Sun(of passion). My problem with this type of person is that I often get caught staring at the Sun too long.
Awesome people. Hard to describe. There are those who accomplish tons but that don't make 'em awesome. There are those who just make friends easily but that don't make them awesome. What makes a person awesome is all based on what the individual judging appreciates. I appreciate people that use honesty, character and intellect to move forward in life. They practice their skill and they do their bests.
I enjoy those people.
There are some that have become derelict and become liars(indirectly or directly); who have compromised their honor in a charade for necessity; out of a weakness or lack. I typically feel betrayed by these people. When I come to (from staring at the Sun too long), I find that the Sun has moved on without me. And it burns. There are few of my ilk. It is a very saddening thing to lose one. All the same, the enjoyment is key.
What do you enjoy? About people? What do you dislike about people you can no longer you can enjoy?

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Tepid Confessions

I watched some show called "tough love New Orleans". On that show, they were giving slight recaps of the growth of each woman. They get to the Black woman. She was stuck in her past and sabotaging her future by not moving forward. Her ex popped up and they vibed pretty good. She asked him if they might have a future together and he was like "maybe". She took that news back to the shows host. The host got upset because he knew this was a set back and had seen it all before. He shoots inquiries to the ex and the ex responds frankly and with decisive focus. Unequivocally, no future for the Black woman with him. As she watched the footage of his clearly self-adjusted perspectives, she broke down. It was unfair to her. He is not a man and won't be any time soon.

I related to that woman. When somebody refuses to give you their all, it ain't because they are stuck somewhere and don't know how to leave. It is because they are secretly telling you that you just aren't what they want. You do not fit the bill. And we lie to ourselves. We tell ourselves that things are great. We tell ourselves that there is endless amounts of hope and potential. The truth is, that is no land for one sided connections. That person does not want you. Take your thirsty ass on. Give up on the dream with them because it will never be, even if it does come true someday. Trust.

I'm stubborn. I'm a believer. I'm a dreamer. I'm a fool. And that is what it takes to truly love but the pain will never be worthwhile. The learning, opportunity & experience/scenario as aspects of the connection that should not be underestimated. Really, keep it moving when the person isn't feeding your needs. Simple truth is I've been in some shitty relationships but I thought they were great because my standards are so low. The worse part is that these women always tell me that my standards are too high. They claim that I don't accept them for who they are but they come with endless conditions like I gotta have a job, gotta be tall enough, gotta be handsome, gotta have good dick, gotta be all these things but they ain't gotta be who I'm seeking?

I have dealt with quite a bit of myopic hypocrisy. I have this many(___)sads behind it. Most people are the same/similar. Every one gotta be a critic. Everyone gotta be the top, most intelligent person. There is rarely any humility floating around. And from my experience, the first people to mention any description(esp. to the lacking effect) are typically the people with the lowest capacity for that trait. Such is a bitter irony of life. It jades and it burns. And instead of growing, people choose to never learn. Again, the sads.

I've been called a litany of insults simply because I did not agree with people. There is no such thing as talking to fools. Talking to fools morphs into arguing with fools, regardless of the qualities of your voice. The only route is silence. Avoidance. Snobbing. And guess what...that simple truth is a jading, emotional tumult. The bright side is that your frustration doesn't grow because of their ignorance. It is merely a consistent feed of indignation at the simplicity of these automatons.

Whether I cared about humanity before or what ever, I suppose that hasn't changed but I am jading...giving up....going through a cessation of fucks manufacturing. Demand had already out paced production. That means I am fresh out of fucks to give. Hedgehog's dilemma. Fuck a hog.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Complaints

At least one person in this world will have an immediate connection to the title. But I don't want you to think this song is about you(only some of it is).

Complaints are a sign of discomfort, dissatisfaction or displeasure. (IDC if those are damn near synonyms).

Speak up. Don't live in frustration and drag other people into a melancholy ambiance every time they are around you. I believe that communication overcomes trying to soldier through stuff silently. After all, you cannot bottle your internal dissonance and keep a smile on your face, especially when you don't see the situation as life and death.


 I have a few complaints. I might as well just list them despite not having a limit in mind.
COMPLAINT #1:
WOMEN.

 They just seem to want to dog me. They are either dumb or doing a damn good job playing dumb. Inconsiderate. No, it would not be a good look for you to stay with your ex and try to build a relationship with me; how could that make any sense to you? No, it is not a good idea to cry over some dude from your past because he is finally moving forward. No, it is not a good idea to limit your time with me because you have a hard time dealing with your task at hand without it getting in the way of our connection. No, you cannot expect that you will be respected if all I feel like is that you've been disrespecting me...what kind of bullshit is that?
Re: Women will ask you to do the dumbest shit for her to enjoy her time with another man; for you to be where you were before you met her minus an abundance of resources. Women just don't make any got damn sense and expect this shit to fly out the kindness of your heart/soul just because you may observe a religion. It is that kind of bullshit that will sap a muthafucka of all the heart and love and passion that he ever had. Because all you can do is try. It ain't fuck all women but definitely FUCK WOMEN IN GENERAL. 

COMPLAINT #2:
WHITE FOLK(Men in particular).

 How much fear can whites have in general to be afraid of EVERY GOT DAMN BLACK MAN? Let me guess, we are all criminal masterminds, elephant dick slangin, violent, unevolved and under intelligent beasts, right? An incredible amount of this social dogma surrounding Blacks in general are propogated by fearful, ignorant and isolated white folk. Don't know shit but swear they know everything because they heard that somebody read a few words outta an old book and decided that the person knew everything they talked about. I swear. White & Black wouldn't be an issue if there wasn't such a fucking difference in how Whites were constantly treating Blacks.

 Now, you may ask why I focused on that...well, at every milestone of the social interaction, whites controlled the conversation. They control the laws. Look at the crack compared to the cocaine, the marijuana compared to the XTC or any other slightly higher end drug. Whites merely assume the worse about you the darker your skin is. Watching BAIT about planted cars. They actually let the little mexicans go with a warning and even called the lil italian kid a GOOD Samaritan despite him joy riding the Escalade around the block. But the Black guy who hopped in and out was guilty because WHO KNOWS WHAT HE WOULD HAVE EVENTUALLY done with the car. This shit could barely be more blatant. But people don't see shit because it reinforces their stereotypical beliefs subtly & it doesn't effect them in any meaningful way. Division is a simple math and even simpler when you have access to the root of social interaction: LAW.


COMPLAINT #3:

Idealism.

 You know what...that should be enough on that topic. It is obvious that fact is stranger than fiction. I don't really need to detail how horribly inaccurate you would be if you stuck to textbook application of logic. I tell you what. Naw yo, b, I cannot even go any further...I'm hot yo...this illin ass system got my mad heated with they iggin asses. Grrr...(okay, I ain't really mad but the game is back on...so, I'm just gon' go back and watch it. Fuck a draft)