Dear Sage,
When you were a puppy of a mere 8 weeks, you were handed to me and I held you distraught by the unavoidable reality that one day a mere ten years into the future, you and I would be required to part. I feared that day but I overcame my reticence and decided to bond with you. You fulfilled my life and your own effortlessly. You were a gorgeous canine your entire life. You were very intelligent your entire life. You were loyal to a fault and protective to no end. You were the most inspiring companion I could have imagined and I did the best for you I could think to do.
It was because of your that I got off my six and got to hustling just to be able to afford a bone as a treat because you impressed me. Next thing I knew, I was buying a car to get around and a house with a huge backyard for you to call your own. And you knew peace. And you knew love. And you knew protection. And you knew being spoiled. And you knew, no matter what, you always had a home. And when you knew your time was due, you let me know that you were okay to go. And that was a very hard thing I faced as sternly as I could muster. The vacuum your absence installed in my chest is overbearing, overwhelming and suffocating at times. You were just a dog. But for me you were that and so very much more.
It will be 4 weeks that you've been gone and it feels like I was just holding you in my arms and gently stroking your fur. I hate that there is nothing I can do to spend more time with you or to play with you until we both dropped just one more time. I cannot undo any time I ever yanked the chain too hard or was too rough because I allowed myself to be convinced that I was not hard enough on you. And it disgusts me. You were absolutely the sweetest dog. Because of you, most of my roughest habits will never again reach the light of day. I lost the purpose behind being strict to my pets. I feel like I learned too late in life. But again, my mother, who I learned most of these behaviors from, didn't learn until later in life. It was a small improvement but I didn't have a "me", I had a Sage and a Delilah.
Now, I did try to give you the kind of life that other dogs would be jealous of but I do feel like I fell short in a few damning ways. You did get a virtually unlimited supply of bones and dog treats. I did spoil you with food and whatever I thought would give you enjoyment. I wish I cuddled with you a little more when you were older and I wish I didn't force you to cuddle so much when you were younger. Really, you changed my heart into a much softer and sweeter version. I am capable of so much more because you were here, with me. I am grateful beyond words that not only did you choose me but you willingly stayed with me when you could have run off at any point. You had more than a few dozen opportunities and your loyalty was rewarded the best I could manage.
There will never be another soul that could squeeze even an iota of the real estate you take up in my consciousness. That is your space forevermore. With that said, my mother decided to drop another dog on me and she happens to be your great niece. She looks a lot like you and she's a pretty sharp girl. We named her "Jade" in your namesake despite her eyes not matching her name like your eyes matched your name. She's a fun girl and you would have enjoyed her.
Fen misses you and it is pretty clear he pined for your loss. A few days after you died he bit me and I put the fear of god in him so he won't be doing that again. Of course, I certainly missed you then, because you wouldn't have tolerated that from him.
Losing you is a pain I never want to experience again. It has been debilitating. Hopefully, I can recover better and live a fuller life like you did. Anyway, my mother believes you came back in Jade's body to share her soul and guide her decisions and Ly thinks you'll come in the form of a new baby she might be carrying. I want you to know, if you can do either or already have done either, you are welcome to do either. If that was simply hopeful prattle, then so be it.
That is all I have for you at this moment but I will constantly be in a state of reflection, time traveling through my memories for the moments we shared together, albeit brief, they were some of the most heartwarming memories I have. And with that, if your aren't here with us and cannot be, then I wish you to rest in peace. You are the best girl and I will always cherish the time we shared.
Thank you from the lowest point of my heart to the highest point of my soul.
I will miss you until my final breath.
-Jerome
