September 24th

It's already noon on the day I was born, 31 years following my emergence from the womb. I reflect and realize that I have spent much of my time on two feet, confused with everything except what I was doing. I think that is why I chose to become a particularly romantic person; it was simpler and easier. Frustration will often convince you that what you wanted really isn't worth the effort. Twenty-four days into September, frustration means nothing to me and appreciation has usurped virtually every other "emotion" I can experience.

My life has been easy. My life has been hard. It is what it is. My life is full of affection. My life is devoid of warmth. Cynically, having no expectations is the way to go. Intrepidly, forming soft expectations really helps encourage growth in others. Ya see, I believe that every mode of interaction falls under the label of manipulation. We manipulate our words and thoughts and beliefs to fit into the mold of who we are, even as we avoid to do so, we essentially do the thing we sought to not do. As the avoidance is of you and creates a box of its own. The manipulation of nothingness is no different the manipulation of fullness. Acceptance demands that, while living, certain things may not be absolute yet still unavoidable. An invariably veritable unstoppable force.

My favorite songs "Smiley Faces" by Gnarls Barkley & "Her Smile" by Van Hunt. Those songs were greater effects on my mood, attitude and outlook than music probably should. However, I don't play them too frequently anymore.

Unfulfilled potential is disappointing. The question is do you want a sputtering Porsche that people continually attempt to steal while you aren't looking OR would you prefer a cosmetically challenged yet incredibly reliable Camry? My answer to that question has change a lot from 330 days ago. The Porsche was my idea of great engineering. And my choice was respectable because my admiration for such a fine vehicle was unparalleled. When your ambition is wounded, you need consistency and support. The Camry may not be what's hot in these streets but there are many less mechanical errors and a lower cost of maintenance. Why would anybody choose a Porsche that even the manufacturers couldn't devoid of bugs?

Am I a person who needs a great machine or an adequate machine? Form or function? Feeling of impact or the impact of feeling? Nay, there be nothing clever laying under this rock today. Just celebrating my birthday in a special way by leaving memories to look back upon and reflect with a tad bit more accuracy.

Side note: lately, I've been recalling a lot of the emotions I felt much younger in life. Memories being jarred by frustrations felt in my niece. I remember struggling with certain maths or words. Conceptually I had a closed eye and I had to try so incredibly hard to get the basics. I am hungry. Time to eat. This may be updated later...then again...perhaps not. Here's to you, 31 year old Romeo.