Inside of me

I've been told that I have a huge heart. Sometimes I think that it doesn't translate to me having an enormous amount of love. Eh, it gets me to thinking that the love in my heart is isolated and lonely; shivering in a lone darkened corner of the cavernous expanse of my inner emotions. The moon shine of my mind receded the flowing tides of vibrance out of the equation and there was nothing but nothing to replace the newly found emptiness.
And what more could be said or done? I've loved...I have lost. I ain't mad or bitter. I'm grateful for ever finding such a connection. I spend my time working on myself & learning. I spend my time earning the distinction to get a great job so that I can afford a gold digger-esque wife to suit my old fashioned tendencies. Except, I strongly desire to be progressive. I wish with all of me that I could have an equal. Not a woman that attempts to subjugate or assimilate my consciousness to make life easier on her.(I have not a single problem with sacrificing my personal petty wants). Here is the thing, the women I meet nowadays are all either of this weird ass Gen-Y or some retarded ass evolutionary throwback to "Gen-we kicked rocks with no shoes on"(Stone age). We both gonna have to work. We both gon' hafta sacrifice. I don't want to be wooed er nothin' BUT I definitely don't want to fight for financial stability and happiness alone. I can do that shit all by myself. (That's what hoes is for).
And I get women that don't want to be women. They want to be overgrown girls with daddy issues and gold digger complexes. And let's not act like there is no such thing as an emotional gold digger. Draining all the emotion out of a guy and then, when he has nothing left to give, abandoning him for greener pastures.
That kind of happened to me. And it was hard to avoid being bitter. It was hard not to hold a grudge. But I accepted that I simply made bad decisions when it came to that woman err those women. I needed to learn and this was part of the process. So, inside of me, there rests no resentment. There is no rehash to flatten out my lack of luck. There is a great hope on the inside that no matter how long I tick along, that I will find a woman that deserves me. She can grow into it...I can grow into her...or however it works. I simply will not settle for any less than I'm giving. I'm beyond the point of sharing that information though. Women cannot handle being told that they don't measure up.
They think a week makes up for countless hours of neglect. But nothing makes up for it...nor did anyone ever need to(well except for special events).
But you get my point. I'm not really feeling any kind of way about anything right now. It is just a bunch of open space that while, primed for greatness, still requires massive amounts of cultivation before everybody sees it as such. Inside of me, there is nothing but a will and desire to grow and become the man that no woman would easily say no to.I don't want them all...I ain't greedy...I just want one. And I don't even want to own her, I just want her to want me like I want her...err somewhat close to how much I want her is good enough for me. That ain't settling because you only settle when you know you can do better. It is rare that I've even heard of women that attain such a high praise from me. I don't praise men. Not in that way at least.