I have a very intriguing approach to how I keep myself healthy. I keep every person who is not dedicated to me at an arms reach. People who are dedicated are allowed to be ever present in my thoughts. They are allowed to be free in how we interact. Those who require the freedom to roam about my consciousness must get purged. That's just the way it is with me and how I see my inner oasis. I will withstand and sustain unreasonable torment for the ones I care about. I will not do that for people who refuse to dedicate. It's cool. We can be friends. We can be fairly intimate. But you will be rebuffed & admonished freely; constantly. It's not that you are being punished or anything as I simply have not grown enough to disregard what I see as deleterious mental constructs/thoughts/tendencies. Call it controlling. Call it whatever you like. Just handle your business as I handle mine. No hard feelings. I'm keeping it really simple.
Other people have ways of being fake about what they see or want. Some misrepresent their beliefs or passions. That does not bother me. Barely anything does. What does bother me the most? I'll share. I am most bothered by myself. I accept responsibility for all that falls in my path. I made choices. Consequences happened. When I allow myself to be sold a dream or rused into a false sense of confidence, that's me. I earned that blame. I am sovereign. I am in full agency. I am an individual. I am responsible. I allow what happens in my world. As we all do.
What I'm doing may not make a hell of a lot of sense to most people. My entire life people have struggled to understand me. When I was a young child, Whites assumed I was speaking gibberish and it would confuse and piss me off. In my adolescence, I was disregarded as foolish and out of touch. Much of that persisted through my twenties. It was a slow burn to find my way to full agency and acceptance. What malarkey is it that we acknowledge the magnitude of our existence; the magnitude of our insignificance; the magnitude of death; the magnitude of chance & yet we deny ourselves any responsibility of it at all. The human ego is a weak, frail and fragile beast who only wages supreme dominance in the dark corners of our consciousness'.
Be not afraid, be not drawn low, be not defeated by acceptance. It just your perspective that needs to be updated. You don't need to reach for something greater than yourself. Think to the sociopathic nuts that run business on wallstreet. Think about the people that do evil and manage to escape capture. Nothing to do with Karma. Karma only matters as a cape for your imaginary super hero. But I guess my beliefs lean more toward the magic that humans tend to use than the superstition they claim to believe in. Ye, I do hold to some mysticisms but not as such a rehearsed machination as most would assigned to their religions or spiritualities. I'm not talking shit. I'm sharing my truth. Don't like it but want to read it? You have my thanks and appreciation. But I hate to inform you that my belief gravitates towards fallibility and infallibility is all of which I just mentioned(as per religion & spirituality). Some may talk to ghost- I don't so I don't know about it. Some may talk to God - I don't so I don't know about it. I also refuse to place my belief in a system that lacks transparency on a very serious level. The only flaw to my belief is that it can be proven invalid. That is my preference for fallibility. Agency & Acceptance.
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