Religion to Squarls

What the hell do I know? I can only interpret and understand the world that I interact with. I was fairly low born. Neither of my parents had substantial means by any measure. I was raised from poverty and many of my characteristics come from that system of production. Rarely, does an understanding from other classes permeate into the patterns of another. Do you think rich people watch as many movies as poor people? If you want to know, research it. College isn't a poor people thing. Middle classed families raise middle classed kids. Rich families raise rich kids. Poor families raise poor kids. I'm from a poor family and my thinking should be pitiable at best. Even a genius raised in poor conditions doesn't climb too high. The world looks differently than it did 75 years ago but it is still a White man's world. Being Black opens your eyes to a litany of treatment that being White bypasses without a second thought. Even in the city, Whites cannot grasp the full extent of bias that Blacks(as well as other minorities) experience on a daily basis. From things like taxis and police officers to jobs and education. There is a long laundry list of crud that happens to target of minority descent specifically. And all of these things shape how we see the world. Now, this blog is about me. I don't really mind if you or anybody else reads it. I use it to organize my thoughts. I am kind of fed up with people believing that they have insights when they've done nothing to grasp beyond their already contented limitations. 

We already know that whites are ignorant of much of the disparity between skin color and how society treats different people. There was a point where they actually claimed racism didn't exist. Now, the common thread is that they aren't personally racist even if they do racist things. I don't have the time.I can't waste any more time explaining how stupid people are to them without being offensive. It's exhausting. It isn't worth having this amount of brain power. I'm beginning to feel like I wasted my brain learning things that humans don't like to learn. I need a new set of people to communicate with on a consistent basis. My current friends are beginning to think that I'm brainwashing myself; hypocritical and unnecessarily precise. I don't even dismiss these charges...there is no need to. They are baseless. I don't randomly believe things that have no proof. I don't base my beliefs on feelings. We are trained to feel. We are indoctrinated by experience. We are fed the emotions that we experience. And rarely do we break those moldings.

When my friends say these things, what they are really speaking to is their utter disbelief that I am condemning their way of life. They take it personal. They want me to be like them and if I listened, I would be just like them. They have a hard time distinguishing a woman from her finest parts. As if I cannot enjoy communication with a woman even if it stayed at communication. I don't get how I became friends with people who think like this. I don't understand how I've been friends with them for so long. I don't get it. 

Am I so different that...am I really just confused and lost in transmission? Do I not understand life? I've spent endless hours considering and weighing the importance of activity. I've been checking and researching and realizing. I relay my findings with a respectable source of intellect without perspective to the particular situation. I weigh those words of wisdom as well. And it all boils down to luck, belief, understanding and preparation. That is 99% of life in a nutshell.

As I try and share my wit with anybody else, they shut down, start calling me names and attacking my logic without so much as asking a serious question. They hear 10% of my ideas(on any particular subject) and offer a whole-hearted dismissal of my words. I feel like I'm telling them the world is round. I feel like I'm telling them that we revolve around the Sun. I feel like I'm telling them that God isn't selling plots of land in Heaven by way of indulgences. None of it makes any sense to me. Why keep hanging around people that have well wishes but bad juju? I would be better off alone. I know, that even geniuses don't make it alone. I know that being dead to right is pointless. Something about human stupidity reaches it's depths when it aims to prevent human ingenuity. How much should I compromise? No matter where I move, I'll end up with a different form of ignorance. That is the nature of the world. I don't feel like I ever fit in. I don't feel like I'll ever be decently understood. I don't feel like my life will have ever mattered to anyone but my family. But the rest of my life, I'll be lucky if I don't feel like I'm giving religion to squirrels. It is what it is. I am where I am. Forget people that want to make decisions with my life outside of my approval.