Need of Approval

I won't have much to say here.

This entire life cycle that we are processed through is centered around approval. From our ability to grasp language and become attractive, we are constantly judged on our worth based on societal approvals.

Some of you may outright disagree. You may stop reading now and leave. I don't have time to deal with dissenting voices on the basis of some fundamental difference in view of language comprehension. Right or wrong, I know what I see.

First its about fulfilling our parents wishes. Of course this depends on our parents. Some of our parents have very reasonable and low set goals. Some are not so reasonable(here is a shout out to all the tiger mom's in the building). Then when we are maybe 40 years old and going through a mid-life crisis, we finally realize just how much we weren't living for ourselves. We do crazy things like create bucket list and jump out of airplanes and bungy jump all in the name to find a cheap yet exhilarating thrill. To confirm we are alive and have control of our own lives.

Why does it take so long just to have that thought of autonomy and independence? Oh, I have tons of answers but this isn't about the answers, this is about why we don't ask them. We are too busy re-calculating our social GPS's and trying to figure out where we stand. Some of us develop healthier strategies to obscure and distract ourselves from this unpleasant process. Others of us simply grunt under the weight of all the judgments placed 'pon they weary souls. All these self help books do a good job at echoing the successful man's mantra or expressing the senses of sacrifice necessary to move forward in the stream of life. Yes, Life stream. Some even go as far as to explain this need for approval and sharing the approval of others. We still talk around it.

Enough of my blathering, let me make it personal. I do not know whether I am smart or not so smart. I do not know whether I am attractive or if there is something on my face that women keep trying to lick off. I do not know why people are so convinced they know other people based on mere speculation and hear-say, but I do know that no matter what constraints you put it in, 1+1=2. The addition sign is not some running metaphor for limitless extrapolations of contradictions to deny the rule. Verify the simplicity of yourself. You are one individual and like whole numbers you can be broken down into parts. So follow this one moment where I shut up this notion of 1+1 can =3. You take 1 adult and add in another adult and you get two adults. You may develop a child of that situation but a child is not equal to an adult. Qualified. But I still need approval to feel validated with what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying?

Why do you think that racism is still alive and kicking? Because it has been codified as something that is natural. It has been approved of as something that rest within all of us. But cars aren't natural and neither is a brick house or gas heating or electric shavers. We just pick and choose which contradictions we excuse and choose to hold protective custody over the ones that allow us to remain immature in as many ways as possible.

This is why we cannot have anything nice. Too busy applying the lowest one of our desires over each other...no, not sex but close, emotional gratification. We feel some kind of way and grant the impulse action thereby verifying whatever ill that was born of our poor and misled perception of the way the World was as we saw it at that moment.
This is why I think all white women are the same. This is why people claim Black men are afraid and insecure. This is why white men are given such an atrocious image. Because we allow ourselves to be pulled into malarkey simply because it doesn't directly attack us.
Before all of the biases and negative experiences, in our innocence, we were better and capable of honesty. Now, honesty has been removed from us and we are stuck to scour the World as we know it for the approval that we need. (I think scour is the perfect word to create irony in this situation).

Fare thee well.