Reasonable Determination

Everybody is great at something. You can represent yourself in a piss poor manner, smoke heavily, drink heavily, curse heavily and out perform based on little more than bending corners of the truth back in your favor all while pretending what you say is the truth. The worst part is that you believe it.

Perhaps, it is the moribund of ethics to stick with a simple perspective. Or perhaps it is the willingness to be wrong while believing you are right. Not that I have an issue with either. At this point, I'd start auctioning off errant & wayward family members for a profit. Why give a fuck?

Here, the other people in my office hardly ever tell the truth. Training is typically a detriment full of the wrong information and misdirection is abound. We are told to stick to simple metrics and the results will present themselves. I am the cautionary tale of why that isn't true. I've had much better results in doing what they've told me not to do rather than doing what they tell me to do. Unfortunately for me, I've committed to doing what they tell me to do. Peanuts.

Now, I'm not really complaining about the job I have. At least I have a job to fail at. I am the one failing. I am the one one the verge of losing one big account after another and never actually reaching the big pay day because I believed my upper management had their shit together...or rather, would inform me that shit wasn't together...or whatever. I figured I wouldn't need to be the boss in my first few weeks. I should have done more research. I should have turned down the position. I should have slept more and made sounder decisions. SHOULD HAVE, WOULD HAVE, COULD HAVE. I started at the bottom and I'm still here.

I have one spark of life. This woman owns a destination pizzeria. Her business is in the death roll and nobody will help her straighten it out. I understand loans are risky and everything is looking bad but her history would suggest that she could handle the loan and straighten herself within a year. I am her final thread of sanity. I have done everything I know to do, have been shown to do, have been told I could do for this woman. I doubt I can continue with this job if I failed her in my efforts. At one point, it is what told me I could do this job. It is the point where I became to believe that we weren't bad people or just salesman with a glint of greed in our eyes. I began to believe in our purpose. I COULD SEE IT REALIZED.

Now, here I am, on the precipice of disappointment, exhausting every single option in the final seconds of the last game with nowhere to turn and I have no Mj...I have no Kobe....there is nobody else to take this shot but me. I am it. The others, lost in personal seas of struggle have no sight on the release and it rests at my finger tips. I take a moment, size up the differences, tense my response and release...