I was mad. I was upset. I was angry.
I felt disrespected. I felt unappreciated. I felt so many different ways and it overwhelmed me. I was crumbling under the pressure. I had no where to turn. I had already used all of my resources to make it this far. I'm a silly guy. This way I feel in my chest betrays the reality of the situation: I did everything I could and didn't lose out.
I refused to squander any situation or any amount of time. I was a self-sustained cold fusion machine of passion, desire, presence & drive. And I was fed upon as suckers usually are. It embittered me boldly as such pains typically do. Instead of falling to the urge; I rose to one knee and decided to see it through. This is where I decided to discard the bitterness of being made to feel as a lesser individual had left me with. This is the most important step. Acceptance & understanding. Not some false apathetic boisterous facade of machismo and remnants of a broken heart . I'm stronger than any person could break. I'm always going to search to overcome.
I took a moment of pause and surveyed my long held nemesis. When I had acquired whatever I deemed necessary to feel contented with my inquiry, I sat back and exhaled. "Oh, yeah." I let loose with the next fall of my chest. I gave them value, validity and worth. My intentions weren't good enough for these people but their intentions were supposed to be enough for me. I find the hypocrisy incredibly humorous. I find the fact that they could not observe the hypocrisy even more humiliating for themselves and hilarious to me. And I thought, "Why am I so upset that these people are stupid?".
I'm smart because I pay attention. I'm intelligent because I paid my tuition and made sure to get something out of it. I'm aware because I removed my head from my ass in order to interact with the World as it is; instead of attempting to change the World to fit my tiny little brain. Perhaps, the best way to cover the topic at hand is to put it within the constraints of capacity. I'm deeper, wider and faster flowing than most anyone I've ever seen. And this is considering that I haven't seen barely anybody at their best. (You may be thinking something along the lines....who am I kidding? Your mind is probably blank or thinking about the benign at the moment).
So, this boils down to being about how I learn just how valuable I am day in and day out. How rare it is to be a man who can see the World the way I do. I once thought I was merely "different", but I have come to learn that I am simply "epic". I am a singularity. I am a brilliant spectacle to be held in a captivating marvel. You & anyone you came with are fair to disagree, that is fine and dandy. I, however, have been proven as a different type of being.
Matter of fact, I'm not simply being. I'm not simply doing or existing. I couldn't even agree that I'm living either. I. AM. LIFE.
As I type that, the unease in my chest is dwindling rapidly. As I type, my chagrin and feelings of disparity are resolving themselves. I have time. If I don't have time; I still have time. Why? Because I have now. Now is all that ever mattered anyway. I was upset until that point.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Bickering with a Wall or the Wind
I'm still fairly young & arrogant. Part of my issues with progress are deeply rooted in interactions with others. This is closely related to the constant miscommunication, inaccuracies & short sighted beliefs of others.
I am by no means asserting that, I am the all knowing or infallible but others act without the minimal humility required to interact with humanity. Thus, annoying the living tarnations out of me.
In the effort of becoming the best "me", I seek to veer away and beyond the emotional limitations that I've become accustomed with. More than simply not arguing; more than simply avoiding social conflicts & more than quieting the qualms whirling about my consciousness. This is about charisma, or the lack thereof. This is about swagger, or the lack thereof. This is deeper than self improvement...
But first, I need to get through this unflappable sense of integrity, right & wrong, intelligence & ultimately- worth. I do not feel the urge to fight until I feel violated. Once that violation occurs, I sense a strong need to stand up for myself. Once that happens, it is the warrior form that engages with brutal edges.
I remember the indignation I experienced vicariously while reading disparaging remarks from one to another, while perusing a blog site. I'd do so as the soft hearted defender of the weak & unwilling. I engaged the perpetrator to great purport & infamy. While, I found merit in my task, I've come to understand just how worthless my endeavor was.
Being grown or mature is certainly not simple or easy to explain. Look into the career works of activists & social workers; there are moments where an argument is the only manner in which others will respond. Unfortunate but true. Sometimes, people wish to engage in arguments like some gladiator sort; merely for a chance to make you look lesser.
I'll only say that uncivilized minds choose rules of engagement that are based on feelings & words, rather than facts & willingness to humbly communicate honestly. Poor beta minded males can't catch a break. Trying so hard to be something that they never earned the right to be. Dress as the wolves all you like but regardless of your costumes fidelity to the real thing, you will only ever be a facsimile; a mere imitation; a pretender to the throne.
I worked hard to become something worth others investing emotion. I may only be a beta myself but I became a loner/outcast in order to toughen up my view a dependency. Betas that don't work towards it, cannot over come their weak designation in life, with women. These are my primary antagonist. I no longer understand or relate to their limitations. They cannot even comprehend my views. They are talking emotionally, like little kids on the playground. My goal, is to use them as a stepping stone. I will reach a much higher understanding of maturity & growth on the backs of these hapless beta males. Wish me luck!
I am by no means asserting that, I am the all knowing or infallible but others act without the minimal humility required to interact with humanity. Thus, annoying the living tarnations out of me.
In the effort of becoming the best "me", I seek to veer away and beyond the emotional limitations that I've become accustomed with. More than simply not arguing; more than simply avoiding social conflicts & more than quieting the qualms whirling about my consciousness. This is about charisma, or the lack thereof. This is about swagger, or the lack thereof. This is deeper than self improvement...
But first, I need to get through this unflappable sense of integrity, right & wrong, intelligence & ultimately- worth. I do not feel the urge to fight until I feel violated. Once that violation occurs, I sense a strong need to stand up for myself. Once that happens, it is the warrior form that engages with brutal edges.
I remember the indignation I experienced vicariously while reading disparaging remarks from one to another, while perusing a blog site. I'd do so as the soft hearted defender of the weak & unwilling. I engaged the perpetrator to great purport & infamy. While, I found merit in my task, I've come to understand just how worthless my endeavor was.
Being grown or mature is certainly not simple or easy to explain. Look into the career works of activists & social workers; there are moments where an argument is the only manner in which others will respond. Unfortunate but true. Sometimes, people wish to engage in arguments like some gladiator sort; merely for a chance to make you look lesser.
I'll only say that uncivilized minds choose rules of engagement that are based on feelings & words, rather than facts & willingness to humbly communicate honestly. Poor beta minded males can't catch a break. Trying so hard to be something that they never earned the right to be. Dress as the wolves all you like but regardless of your costumes fidelity to the real thing, you will only ever be a facsimile; a mere imitation; a pretender to the throne.
I worked hard to become something worth others investing emotion. I may only be a beta myself but I became a loner/outcast in order to toughen up my view a dependency. Betas that don't work towards it, cannot over come their weak designation in life, with women. These are my primary antagonist. I no longer understand or relate to their limitations. They cannot even comprehend my views. They are talking emotionally, like little kids on the playground. My goal, is to use them as a stepping stone. I will reach a much higher understanding of maturity & growth on the backs of these hapless beta males. Wish me luck!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Sage's Ten Rules of Engagement
1. This is a moment. Don't ever allow the moment to be greater than your life.
2. Focus on your goal so intensely that nothing that happens can detour you from completing your goal.
3. Maintenance is among the most important character traits about your individual.{ASIDE to Maintenance is Mental, Physical, Emotional & Spiritual(including clothing and specialists visits)}.
4. Think beyond your current obstacles. If you are driving, drive ten seconds ahead. If you are fighting thinking through the counters.
5. Never break form. Poise is of huge importance. Propriety is a necessity. Keep it simple. Keep it cogent.
6. Have contingency plans. People will work to diminish you both unconsciously & inadvertently. Don't take it personal. It ain't.
7. Do not make excuses. You can learn from everything; that is your silver lining. Find it by any means necessary.
8. Have a limit. Create a point(based on reliable information) that you refuse to forge beyond. Sunk Cost Fallacy.
9. Any person who gives you time or energy, is showing you love. See it as love. Do not become confused by the exterior form.
10. Don't get caught. Before you spring your most critical strikes, whether in secret or in the open, avoid conspicuous positioning.
Everybody is bound to have variances in their personal Rules of Engagement. These are mine. Tailored to my sensibilities, etiquette & dispositions. If you disagree, keep it to yourself. I am without equal & my word will not be compromised by your flawed opinions.
2. Focus on your goal so intensely that nothing that happens can detour you from completing your goal.
3. Maintenance is among the most important character traits about your individual.{ASIDE to Maintenance is Mental, Physical, Emotional & Spiritual(including clothing and specialists visits)}.
4. Think beyond your current obstacles. If you are driving, drive ten seconds ahead. If you are fighting thinking through the counters.
5. Never break form. Poise is of huge importance. Propriety is a necessity. Keep it simple. Keep it cogent.
6. Have contingency plans. People will work to diminish you both unconsciously & inadvertently. Don't take it personal. It ain't.
7. Do not make excuses. You can learn from everything; that is your silver lining. Find it by any means necessary.
8. Have a limit. Create a point(based on reliable information) that you refuse to forge beyond. Sunk Cost Fallacy.
9. Any person who gives you time or energy, is showing you love. See it as love. Do not become confused by the exterior form.
10. Don't get caught. Before you spring your most critical strikes, whether in secret or in the open, avoid conspicuous positioning.
Everybody is bound to have variances in their personal Rules of Engagement. These are mine. Tailored to my sensibilities, etiquette & dispositions. If you disagree, keep it to yourself. I am without equal & my word will not be compromised by your flawed opinions.
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