I'm not airing the trials out for public consumption but the imagination that I use to describe my views will be a poetic justice.-$@&€
In the beginning, the world was cold & dimly lit. Being born unable to navigate the treacherous fangs, gangs & claws of this vapid existence, the only option is to move towards growth. Growth was always positioned near warmth (call it the hedgehog's dilemma). Of course, in attempting to find a way into the warmth of the light of love, heads will be bumped, toes will be stubbed, confusions & contusions will be had & bones will be broken. Life happens.
As is most likely, a lonely stumble into the arms of another alonely promises comfort & protection. This shimmering of light betwixt the two darkens as the two fall apart the divide of time. Quite literally saddening since all either side ever wanted was to be accepted; loved. With these types it's pretty much rinse & repeat. Each time getting a deeper scouring on the dingy glowing light of love.
Until finally, the brilliance from such a connection is simply too much to behold. The moment where the souls combine to create an unbelievable radiance that, for all intents & purposes, nobody else will ever comprehend. This will lead others to produce interference, hateful rhetoric, dissenting ideas...all while the struggle is already real with divergent goals, pride, egos & basically anything else that could provide a reasonable obstacle to longevity & happiness.
When this connection frazzles to begin falling apart, the tears will fall. These tears are different than all the others. These tears fall taking within them pieces of the formerly broken hearts, essences of each of the individuals & vapors from the great waters of each of the souls.
The pain of loss and absence is beyond crippling. Like drowning in a sea of one's own blood plasma but living to describe the agony. The emotional torment is at the limit of all of creations conceptual edge. Appetite vanquished. Personal longevity in question. Not many tangents are possible, success or failure; pass or fail.
But how does the world see it?
Outside looking in, all that can be made of it is a simple perfect match or incompatibility.
But how do they see it?
Inside looking out, this is the most significant war that will ever be waged. Even if it is only a war of tugging on heart strings.
Take a step back from the emotional picture. Imagine, if you will, an explosion-like a fire work- on the outside, a brilliant expression of dynamic colors, a flash of hot excitement & the cacophony of synergy. On the inside, innumerable combinations, reactions, competitions & consciousness streams of being.
Come back to the blank ness of no thing ness.
Imagine if you will, being part of that explosion. Imagine the warmth and sense of belonging. Picture the feeling of necessity. Embrace the entirety of more than becoming part of something unnecessary but of comprising something so magnificent that it feels like an addiction.
Pull back again.
Imagine the way it feels to be threatened with removal from something that yields to such a splendiferous state. That alone is instantaneous insanity.
Even worse yet, to feel as if you've been replaced by a set of outsiders & obstacles is no less than completely maddening.
Even if that feeling of acceptance should exist beyond competition. However, being realistic about the ephemeral states of relationships is something that only serves to lay waste and ruin to whatever pleasures may be held within a union. Too much in the way of doubt; too much in the way of lack.
And now you can see who I've become. How I got to where I am and why I feel like I've lost everything I ever wanted. Maybe she felt this way too, back then. I miss her and I always will.
She may not be perfect to the world, she may not be perfect to me but while in my arms, she could be no less than perfect.
Perhaps the future would allow us to come back as one. Maybe I didn't ruin my entire life. Maybe I'm simply being dramatic. Or maybe what's been laid to rest is dead & gone.
At this point, I can only hope that she will dawn a new day in my arms.
Ahhh, to what dreams may come...she is the epitome of my dream.
For now, I'm still smiling as my soul is leaking out my eyes.
Determined to be the greatest man she has ever known.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4
Great piece, as always. The thing about your work that makes it stand out is your painting pictures. You make people (almost literally) see what you're saying, and that obviously adds an extra dimension to the reading experience.
ReplyDeleteAnd if this is about someone in particular, she might want to get right.
It was about the woman that held my heart.
ReplyDeleteI've gone through many trials with her.
Alas, that road has come to an abrupt conclusion.
We bid farewells via kisses, hugs & possible legal action.