Organize your thoughts

What is organization?

or·gan·i·za·tion

  [awr-guh-nuh-zey-shuhn]  Show IPA

noun

1.

the act or process of organizing.

2.

the state or manner of being organized.

3.

something that is organized.

4.

organic structure; composition: The organization of this painting is quite remarkable.

5.

a group of persons organized for some end or work; association: a nonprofit organization.

In my eyes "organization" is a form of preparation that allows for events and constructs to develop smoothly. In essence one should prepare their thoughts. I think I'm horrible at this. I wish I weren't. I am arriving at the cusp of change.

I began blogging nearly 3 years ago. I did not expect anyone to ever read any of it. I felt like my voice would go largely ignored because I had nothing "relevant" to share. I don't really like talking about other people too much. And the vast majority of my entries have been about the emotional difficulties I face while interacting with others. In some ways, there has been tremendous growth. In other ways, I don't really care all that much to be grown if I perceive a pointless threat. I may simply respond in kind. It is not that I do not know better but it is more that, given my current outlook, some approaches yield a better result. The worst part of it all is that my application isn't nearly clever enough. I'm fairly impatient about everything I do but outwardly I seem undisturbed. I want, want, want & want. Frustration would cause me some great discomfort. Now, I rarely allow myself to become frustrated. I try my best to remain in a state of preparation which allows me to react with the most appropriate response.
In order to get to that point, I made an effort to outline some extreme situations and then determined how I would respond. The easiest was violence. I'm a lucid dreamer so I did this in my sleep. This gave me ample time to consider my weaknesses in hand-to-hand combat and the importance of a proper response in unarmed vs armed scenarios. I made sure to tie in memories and compare my abilities with my senses. When given a complication that requires information that I currently don't have, I devised a way to break down the complication by what it effects. Like a linguist when they break down a word. Anyway, it was in this manner that I began to organize myself for events that are fairly likely to happen but have yet to happen.
Very little can remove the surprise but much can be done to remove the latency between occurrence and reaction. One thing that I have had the most issue with is communication. I don't know if it is because I spend so little time talking to people about people or concepts but I often find that I have no idea how I want to say what I want to say. Perhaps, I am trying to actively recall too significant a portion of experience but I should be capable to recall the world & all of her infinite mysteries. This is the miracle of humanity. Or maybe my delusion of grandeur. All the same, I know a lot but I don't spend enough time to put each duck in a row. So, I come off as passionate as compared to "well read". I have even caught myself echoing this thought for the last few years even when my passionate is beginning to appear more lukewarm fire than blazing inferno of dedication.
A troll. That is what lukewarm gives the impression of. Trying to be sincere in every situation. Silence had done wonders until I threw it upon the wayside of life. Now, I speak first and strongly so. Nothing appears to be prepared aside from the conflict mitigation strategies.
I remember, almost never thinking. Vastly misconstrued as a steady thinker when in fact the echoes of the whispering winds flowing through my ears form a most spectacular section of flutes. At night, focus is so amazing that homework could be done, although, not entire assignments just whatever problems I carried into dreamland with me.
At this age, I am desperately trying to understand what blocked my ability to understand things in an academic setting. I really have no idea what was so difficult to grasp. In what great many ways have I been cheated. Perhaps, I simply didn't have the strength for it. I desperately needed a different approach to intelligence, information and education. This current system was horrible for me. Such was not in my fortunes. Too bad there is only one me. The next me could be an intellectual beast. Not that I'm too shabby the way things are now. I could have read many more books; actually done my math homework; taken the time to force my instructors to do their jobs. I was so unfairly immature. I needed to be broken from my sheltered world. It really was a disservice. Maybe I'm here today because of that. All I know is that I need to start from square one if I want to get things organized now. And that's fine. Such an endeavor should only take me a few months. The entire k-12 education. I think this is a challenge I want to accept. <---if you cannot discern, I just devised the idea in that sentence. I'm type-thinking. And I'm reminded of Billy Madison.
The moral is to organize your thoughts so that you aren't caught off guard. Who are you but the person in the moment. Unless that interferes with you enjoying your life. Enjoy your life.