I woke up one day and decided that my life was running out of import. I wasn't committing to any action. I was just sitting in a room calculating the future on a tablet. I decided that I had to get out there and risk my skin. I decided that for me to win, I had to play the game. So, I surveyed my hand. I settled on moving to complete a task I once left unresolved. No matter the reason, I now have motivation like no other.
See, to question the merit of my action is to assume that my accuracy in belief of why I move is true. If you don't like my response, then do not ask of me. I am only human. I do my best.
Now, free form ranting aside, I realized that I cannot leave one unsettled situation for another unsettled situation. I want to give my best in everything I do. I am doing too much currently. I had to stop thinking first. One of the hardest things I'll ever do.
Next, I have properties that need to be mitigated and moderated. That is the next order of business. Then I will go into ironing out the remainder of my unresolved attachments. By the end of the year, my life will have reached a breaking point that I will look back on and be satisfied that I grabbed for my groin and marched forward with both fear and hope clutched tightly. *evil grin*
Tomorrow is scary. Why? Because I haven't been there before and there is much that I would rather not lose. However, the only thing I currently stand to lose is everything I care for. At least if I take a risk, I won't lose everything. And I will definitely gain, even if it is only respect for myself for owning my destiny.
Destiny not in a grand sense but in a "Where am I going and why" sense. No fear will conquer me. Hopefully, from this point on, fear will no longer weigh on my heart. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of succeeding. I'm afraid of happiness. I am afraid and tired of being that way. Though, I know of no person that can cleanse themselves of fear without losing sanity and be aware of it. My goal is simply to push forward and commit my heart, energy & love to becoming a cherished product of this American experiment.
I don't want to lose my love. For people.
You won't lose much of anything, as long as you practice efficiency in effort and caring. If you choose others who choose to invest in you, they will not allow any loss to happen: not only to save you grief, but also to save themselves. They will feel your successes and your pains, as they will partly see themselves succeeding and feeling pain with you. It's most likely a turbulent flight: choose your co-pilot(s) wisely.
ReplyDeleteThese words are far more than welcome. I do not have the proper words to share the value I place on your words.
ReplyDeleteI will need to re-read what you have authored here, on this day, until I can comprehend it to my satisfaction.
It's one of those things.
I’m not scurred’ and somewhat sane. ;) No, but seriously I think everyone is a little apprehensive about their future and not obtaining some goal of happiness.
ReplyDeleteKind of off topic: I recently went out with one of my girls and ended up having dinner around mostly older couples. I couldn’t help to think that maybe a lot of younger people are afraid to have that “seemingly dull” and sense of routine or normalcy with someone in life….which made me feel a little alone, because I feel so different from most people. I actually look forward to that settled feeling & maturity and having someone to share that with me. It’s not like you can’t switch it up whenever and venture out to find some new activities to enjoy. My uncle put it in a different perspective for me when I told him my goal in life is to be happy. His response was “Happiness is a journey; not a destination -- It is in the doing; not in the getting what you want..."