I don't struggle with my reality, I struggle with yours

This makes everything make sense right?
Any argument, any fault or failure or misunderstanding. It explains everything don't it?

Okay, truth and barely anything else matters when there is no exchanges being made. The moment there is a flow between two entities, the fidelity of intent and content matter more than one could measure.

Anyways, I've never been in this position before. I've always been in this position.

I feel literally too good to pass up. I have all the character content, the determination, the history and the intelligence and thirst for knowledge to be an indomitable force in academia. Why haven't I been there the entire time? Why have I wasted my years experiencing the pain of loss and being left behind like some unwanted possession? Why would I bother allowing myself to fall to near certain emotional death? The pain is without parallel aside from death. It sounds crazy but to understand, you'd need to know what was on the line.

I won't share that much, even if nobody read it. My darkness doesn't become lighter because you feel like it isn't nearly as dark or twisted as you'd imagine it COULD be. Key word there is imagine. I was dealing with reality; my reality. Doesn't change the heartbeat in my chest being sharp or the hunger in my gut being absent and despondent. The darkness taunted & tempted me with everything I could ever have wanted. Seemed so easy to give in to. I resisted for one reason alone: I was told to embrace the darkness that I would need to release love.

If any of you know me, love is the reason I live & breathe & hope for a change & work for a growth. The one thing I struggled to relinquish. At one point I thought I had been capable of doing so and felt thoroughly liberated from the constraints of giving an actual damn. Until my phone rang and my heart swelled to the heights of the Heavens and burned with the intense heat of Hell. At that moment I realized that I am birthed of love. A love child even. Raised romanticizing the chemistry and enjoyment from the embrace of a lover. And that was it. I realized that no matter how others see reality, my view will always come from silver eyes that peer at the World through Rose colored lenses.

Make me a punk. Make me a fool. Call me what you want, that doesn't change what I really am.