Won't Stop Refusing Defeat

For months the roller coaster of emotions has consumed me; tormenting the every part of my ability to perceive and comprehend. Oh, how I've struggled to cope with life this year of 2011. I have had great moments, huge triumphs sprinkled with moments of clarity that reinvigorate my fighting spirit. I've learned to dream again and erase all of the false scenes from my view of the future I actually desire to achieve. I have had tremendous help and love gifted to me. I couldn't be more thankful as the person I am and I'm far more thankful than the person I was had the ability to be. I've grown.

The moments in which I felt lower than the belly of a snake. Like the microbial parasite that stands no chance of living unless it siphons the life blood from another, greater being. It was time to no longer be that person and I have been desperately fighting to overcome my every weakness, especially those I perceived as strengths. Clearly, a strength can limit the ability to be great. Thus it has come to pass that I've decided to remove how I feel about things that are common in everyday life.

Love has become the primary focus for my growth in every way. I have forgiven those who have offended me the worst. Taken from me the will to disregard ignorance as simply the disdain driven desires of those without proper distinction. I am sincerely attempting to eradicate all of these aspects of my personality that cause hiccups in my interactions with other people. This is so very difficult and many may question the sanity or purpose of my goals. But in my eyes it isn't simply good enough to be good enough. I am now willed to push the envelope in every friggin' way I possibly can. And qualities, good or bad, will stand but a slight half step in my overall piece. I'm letting go to not only let God but to also help God to help me. All of this work and possession I cling to is an unnecessary hindrance on my goals for the future and now, I'm done with trying to keep anything physical or not that doesn't directly contribute to my overall mission.

If I need to shed love, then so be it. If I need to shed family then so be it. Because as I am; the me that is currently struggling to adjust to this World and the difficulties therein encountered, only struggles because of what I refuse to let go of.

Picture this: My hand is in the cookie jar gripping two cookies at once, attempting to remove them whole. Before I'd just find a way to get something whole out and be satisfied that it was all I could do.
New Image: Same layout as last time but now the cookies are coming out whole or not because my goal is now not to play by the idea that a cookie should be eaten whole but should be eaten for the enjoyment. I can enjoy the cookies in bits & pieces.

As of right now, I will hold on the pole position. I will refrain from telling people what I won't do. I will focus only on my goals and add triumph, conquest and Veni, Vidi, Vici are all to become part of my active vernacular and written lexicon not simply as a symbol but as a sentiment or overall message. Every breath offers a battlefield and every interaction with another is a potential stalemate of stratagems. The spoils will go to the greatest prepared. I have been preparing for a while. Let me not drag on much more other than to say I love and share love because it inspires me. It is a selfish goal. It has never not been.

I have no opinions for anybody else and anything I would tell you will only echo the sentiments that I've expressed in this here article of thought. Coherent or not, this is simply the beginning of me drafting a personal manifesto to eventually be manifested. I am no pretender. I am to be rather than to appear to be. I will find well-being through harmony.

I do believe this roller coaster has applied the brakes. I think this is my stop. Thanks for riding with me, luvs.