Working Towards Tomorrow

As my current way of living has very few days remaining (5) and I don't see anything being as prepared as I would like or need it to be, the anxiety I'm experiencing is tantamount to breathing. I do not believe that I have too much to handle. I do not believe that I am working to slowly. I do not believe that I am fully capitalizing on the position that I've worked myself into. Let's recap.

I have limited funds. I should be relieved that I have any funds at all. I have a great wealth of meaningless possessions that I rarely ever use or acknowledge. I have three non-functioning vehicles. I have the remainder of a few days in which to sort out these things.

I have resigned myself to removing at least one of these vehicles from my possession. Junkyard or lesser, it is far beyond my realm to care any longer. The other two: one being a motorcycle, the third being the central glutton of my moments and efforts. This must change.

I find that I pour myself more readily into nouns that have the most potential regardless of whether I can actually capitalize. This seems to be a flaw. I am stressed. This wiring detail is made so much worse by the understanding that things would flow smoothly had I the proper wiring details. Unfortunately, I'm caught unaware and ungaurded with no assistance or relief from the agonies of both my ignorance and my arrogance. Had I the unlimited capital or esteem of a businessman, I would have had this venture sealed within 30 days or less. From my bumpkin-esque perspective however, this has been a completely humbling experience. Can I live? Can I get a W?

Nonetheless, I forge onward, spending as little time weighing the mistakes of my past and pushing the regretful thoughts out of focus as to not discourage myself any further. What I've done may have been easy for some. Especially if those some had a network of help. I however, was no able to piece together a strong enough network to assist me beyond the ones I contacted letting me know that I was full of fail.

I should not be dealing with this, whatever it is. I should have moved forward. I'd mock myself if it didn't take so much time and energy of which I have little to spare.

But come Thursday afternoon and progress either has been negated or realized, I AM MOVING FORWARD. More importantly than now is Tomorrow. I'm living for that day. All these problems are simply me, attempting to figure out just how to make that day better for me. Cheer for me, encourage me, pray for me, let me go, hold me back, hate me, pray for my downfall or don't. Just keep me in your thoughts, please, I need the energy. I need your emotion.