Until the Last Drop

In this effort of writing there will be no grand measure of poeticism, no ending moral or resounding finality to denote the end but a gradual trailing off of the thoughts.

My entire heart is open for being reformatted as to move beyond the current station of belief, passion and pain.  Simple contention however does not lend credence into actionable affect and every new construct must be verified and justified thoroughly.  This standard I will not apologize for nor find fault within myself for having stringent expectations.
Say what you mean and make your words worth the weight of the effort to the understanding and the amount of time spent awaiting. Be direct(no sugarcoats allowed).

There was a scene in a movie that made quite the impression upon me by associating several key daily operations to the task that the two actors were performing. The two men are brothers, who would occasionally race by means of swimming to a certain buoy and back to the shore with the first to arrive at shore as the winner.  One brother sets a precedence of winning that the other can by no means match regardless of training and effort.  Until, at some point, the brother that loses eventually asks the other why he(the winning brother) always wins.  The winning brother responds "because I never held anything back, while you kept energy for the swim back."

Why this is important is because I ran track- the dreaded quarter mile(400m dash)- and it made the World seem to progress in one direction; forward.  Always holding back, never considering that this two second delay could be the difference between life and death.

When the World and individual future is up in the air with such regard, every moment for maximum enjoyment must be capitalized upon.  However, the downside to that is that most regimented items of a day are thrown aside and downgraded in importance or relevance.

I am a morose character with a cheery inner glow and an over abundance of love that has been refined by the passions of my pain and my affinity for pleasures of joy.  I am a realist.  However, all that I am is what most cannot yet endure in stride and nobody wants to make time for a stranger.  Matter of fact, we judge strangers reflexively. That is okay.  Judging is a naturally occurring epiphenomena caused by caring.

Now that we have covered my train of thought and why I think that way, we should progress to why I see the flaws of people and their inner thoughts when others do not.

I do not believe that I've been gifted some divinity of reading individuals but to re-evaluate that for face value, it does not take a professional to see a disheveled or incapable operate for long before those traits become transparent.  I simply feel that paying attention is all that is required to understand the heart of others.
I see women and men go after potential mates and mentally note the issues.  Months later when these issues come to bear fruit, I find some validation that my predictions were proven.  Sometimes, it is not simple to know what you see but thats when we use terms such as "feel" and "sense" and "perceive" to attempt to convey our beliefs.

Often, when asked I give what I best know to fit the questions I'm asked but I am often asked the wrong questions and when I answer the questions honestly people believe that my response is inaccurate. Attempting to "jack" my affirmations before I can find them.  I have found this to be an Ego related attack and that their predictability is somehow an insult to their lack of originality.  However, the contradiction in both thoughts is that there is no original form but combinations are far more individually motivated.
Thus, I define a part of the whole and they take offense as a whole on the basis that the sum of the parts is greater than the whole.  Which, I find confusing but people often make this misattribution to soothe their fear of inner inadequacy on the same hinge as their accusation.  This is where you serve as a mirror for them as if you are intended to hurl this same accusation back at them. Perhaps, I'm guilty of this very same phenomenon.  Amusing musings.

As I find my convoluted thoughts disarming on a personal level, I realize that this is the primary reasoning that separates me from the greater majority of individuals.  I am told by numerous individuals that I speak like a millionaire and think like a man hated by the World.  My only response is typically, "what kind of millionaires do you know?"
Over the course of my life, I have known several millionaires.  Learned from them and watched them interact with other people.  I can see why people would say I reminded them of millionaires; I ask people to raise themselves to my standards.  This is socially irresponsible of me.  I have a winner's attitude because I've won a great deal of athletic competitions in my adolescence and did not understand quitting.
So this heart of mine Loves with reckless abandon, desires without limitations, ekes compassion as if it were water freely eschewed from the precipice of any waterfall and captures the memory of those who love back as if in defiant refusal of forgetting.
Lately, however, I've received countless words that claim I am mean, that claim I am selfish. I cannot deny the selfishness because well, I say "I" a lot.  I feel like that "I" expresses my perspective...it isn't anybody else speaking but its also awkward to fall into sentences.
I've been told that I'm lazy but I do not know a body that works harder when at work.
Perception is a funny thing.
The rules are not the same for everybody.
Life will never be fair and any semblance is only imaginary.  Additionally, anybody selling you fairytales is taking advantage of your ignorance parasitically.
So as the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts, I realize that such is related to harmony.
Harmony is the story of my life.
Harmony is what I've been searching for ever since the concept of happiness was introduced to me.
That is what I seek and when I find myself disenchanted with the possibility of finding it, it is always harmony.  When I persist, it is only because I can taste the Harmony and when I feel like giving up it is because I've found no microcosm of harmony to put my faith in.

Contradictions can only exist when they find Harmony.  So, I'm not a walking contradiction but a walking wind of Harmony.  And from this point on, I will not turn around as Orpheus did but push forward with every ounce of my life until the last drop is forced out.

Til next time, it is all Love