Romney-hood

Check the arguments a person uses to counter an (Idea/Public-Person/Goal). If the primary source of argument is an insult(negative view with only opinion as support), then the person should be ignored until they can produce something to substantiate the opposition. It really is rather simple but too many people have no problem overlooking the obvious lack for selfish reasons; Appealing to their self interest. Mitt Romney is not viable. The same way that Ron Paul was not viable. The same way that John McCain was not viable. I was mad that W was in office; that he stole away with the election in 2000. Infuriated, I knew things wouldn't end well. They did not. It's a crying shame. But even if Mitt Romney got elected, I would still accept that he was President. I'm not going to run around and ask for his birth certificate, taxes or anything else because that is a waste of time. And as a country we NEED to move forward. But there were plenty of ignorant, bigoted cowards that, instead of saying what they truly felt, used far reaching speculation to somehow avoid fealty to the Office of the POTUS. It was too late. It didn't matter. And those who did such only showed what would lead to our demise. There should not be an equal measure of voting when some people know how it effects them and others do not. However, that system would be far to complicated to implement with the current citizens that spent three years in confusion about whether the elected official was viable for election. If you apply for it and get beyond that measure, then there is an infinitesimal possibility that the governing council would see anything to correct. But these idiots....smgdh. I may not have a job....may not be able to provide for my loved ones but I know the choice before me is the right choice. We have idiots that argue against the elected officials but have yet to realize the official only does(to a certain extent) what the people want. Y'all just don't realize how many people want what we all get. And that is the biggest misstep in that thinking. Obviously, the country that we live in is not nearly as coherent as we assume it is. Such a pitiable thing.

Laughing at Their Tears pt 1

All the political rhetoric being in full swing, the country seems to have forgotten what led to the U.S.of A. being on a downward path. I encounter an endless barrage of hateful & slanderous lies about President Barack Obama. Most speak to a level of presumption and speculation that is literally unreal.
Maybe, it is true that the college educated are somehow "dumber" than all the people that simply went to working. That logic simply doesn't add up. As I know it, more important than anything you learn in school is the foundation of interpreting information and desire to grow. Without a healthy set, no matter how far you go in school; how high you rise on the corporate ladder, there will always be a lacking in your logic. This is self-evident in every person I have ever seen. These things don't make you a good or a bad person. It does illustrate the simple fact that you are human; raised by humans; taught by humans; surrounded by humans. All of this fear of Socialism and it is merely the idea that we come together as all to provide common, basic services. The military, police, post office, IRS, FBI, etc...these examples and many more fit under the description of Socialism.
I'll leave this saying that maturity isn't something that happens without effort. You don't simply grow into being a better person. There must be the application of effort.
When I come across these statements that throw insults and slander at the President, I remember who I was when I was mad at President W. These same people weren't outraged before. These same whiny people who aren't afraid to be hypocrites. These same whiny people who claim everybody else is always so whiny. When I see it, I find so much delight. Not in their supposed suffering but in the folly that leads them to believe they are "Correct, Proper & True". However, I am also greatly saddened by the burden of their mental ineptitude. We can argue against the system but it isn't simply the system being Dem or Rep. That's silly as an argument. Our country cannot support a different system. My skin color is still an issue. C'mon.

What is this?

I ain't quite 30 yet but I claim it like I am. Seems like the milestone is something I have decided to focus on. I have not been the sex crazed male like most men you can hear being discussed in social settings often. I am a much more quiet & thoughtful type. However, when I am involved in a relationship, my sex drive becomes somewhat of an intimidating factor. I always desire that connection. I wake up thinking about it; I finish doing it and immediately urge to go back in despite my exhaustion and lack of physical cooperation. It becomes intense. There were a few girls I did get it on with outside of the "confines" of a relationship. I never had any motivational problems with those girls. My lil' soldier was always hard and ready to "march into enemy territory". But as of the last few years, shit has simply changed.

It isn't that I've been getting it in, I haven't. And it isn't that I haven't used it, I have. But my desire to be inside of women that I only care about in a human sense, has ultimately waned to less than zero. I cannot figure it out. Opportunities present themselves and I couldn't be more bored. Hot women, slutty, reserved, fine, curvy, big breasted, lean and muscular....none of it matters. The pussy ain't calling my name.

I ain't heart broken. I ain't lost. I'm not curious. I just couldn't care less about busting a random nut and moving on or even staying. Nothing and no one is exciting to me. I have been at this Disenchanted path for a while. Being as such, I have taken the opportunity to poke around. I researched fetishes. As I scroll through catalog after catalog of sexually deviant matters, nothing sparks my interest to a greater degree than 1/10th of what 'reglah ol misshunairy' does. And that's being generous.

I have no idea what problems I could have developed. As I look at the scenarios that play out in my life, I am a moderate-to-highly desirable male. But these women don't have my number and I could not care enough to give them my plaything for five minutes let alone to my pleasure. And I don't think I'm some Godly  being; I'm not sanctimonious or pretentious but I definitely want a woman that puts effort into who she is and does not come off like others are responsible for her pains. Yet, this search is abysmal(and I ain't searching).

Doesn't matter what they look like, these women open their mouth and my brain slides right on out my ear. I'm so frustrated that I don't even feel the frustration anymore. It's just this way. So, this is the conclusion that I've come to: My mind does not reflect my income and social placement. I certainly need to be more upwardly mobile. When people who have ten times the education are boring, there is certainly a problem somewhere. I shouldn't be capable of breaking down the depth of their thought after 10-20 words. Yet before they are halfway through a sentence, I realize I've heard it before. At that moment, silence becomes far more desirable.

Lemme go back. I love people. I deeply enjoy interacting with them and nothing is beneath me. I can hold a four hour conversation with a toddler or a doctor. I feel like I'm extremely easy going. However, more and more that seems to be untrue. I know that the first sign of trouble with interactions usually finds it's ignition in self.
" When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you" -African Proverb 
And beyond all of my fault finding, I find a person(me) that just cannot be satisfied with a pitiable effort. If you say "I wanna do this!" then by all means, do just that. Don't try. Do.
I have heard so many purposeless excuses. I have seen so many with the deepest and greatest that potential had to offer but instead, traded their efforts in for comfort and flawed humanity. I honestly, do not know how anything gets done. Humans are so efficacy-less. Myself included. I just think there is a problem when I think of my running naked through a city is more sexually exciting than some salivating pussy on my bed.

With all of that, I did not arrive at a solution. In fact, I stopped trying for one. I decided that, more than anything, I want to make money, get back to being buff...more muscular than I've ever been and iron out a solid diet to keep me as healthy as possible. I'm just done. Women will never live up to my standards and maybe they shouldn't. I am going to say "Of course if the right woman comes along and manages to inspire a smile on my face out of simple bonding, then of course, I'll take that blog post back but until then, Imma do what I do and make it do what it does...err...whatever."  but that does not change that right now, I am focused on me, more so than ever. Not mad at women. I still think a pussy is the greatest body part. There is just nothing in it for me UNLESS there is something in her *FOR ME* (and me alone).

I attempting to avoid pointing fingers but I'm fairly sure that such is an act I committed. I tried to not sound like I was in despair, yet I'm sure that is how I came off. Really, I just don't have the vive to throw at it like I had whenever an opportunity presented itself. I guess not being given the respect you feel you deserve can really have an adverse affect on how you view this social interaction thing...who knew?

For all the old, bitter black females I apparently misjudged, please find it in your heart to forgive me. Otherwise, forgive me for my youthful folly. If not...then fuck you all. I ain't givin' no shits for yo old bitter asses. Imma go laugh and shit...fuck you.

Enjoyment

Innumerably enjoyable people. Endless laughter; infinite affection.

First meeting and yet they feel like old acquaintances. Engaging & captivating; these people fit perfectly into the flow of time. Placid in the midst of chaos. Focused in the expanse of despair.

Sometimes, I only like certain minor aspects of the person while other times I will like most of what I encounter during interacting with them. Most nobody can tell the difference in my expressions of excitement and acceptance.

There are those rare people who awaken within me, a veritable Sun(of passion). My problem with this type of person is that I often get caught staring at the Sun too long.

Awesome people. Hard to describe. There are those who accomplish tons but that don't make 'em awesome. There are those who just make friends easily but that don't make them awesome. What makes a person awesome is all based on what the individual judging appreciates. I appreciate people that use honesty, character and intellect to move forward in life. They practice their skill and they do their bests.

I enjoy those people.

There are some that have become derelict and become liars(indirectly or directly); who have compromised their honor in a charade for necessity; out of a weakness or lack. I typically feel betrayed by these people. When I come to (from staring at the Sun too long), I find that the Sun has moved on without me. And it burns. There are few of my ilk. It is a very saddening thing to lose one. All the same, the enjoyment is key.

What do you enjoy? About people? What do you dislike about people you can no longer you can enjoy?

Tepid Confessions

I watched some show called "tough love New Orleans". On that show, they were giving slight recaps of the growth of each woman. They get to the Black woman. She was stuck in her past and sabotaging her future by not moving forward. Her ex popped up and they vibed pretty good. She asked him if they might have a future together and he was like "maybe". She took that news back to the shows host. The host got upset because he knew this was a set back and had seen it all before. He shoots inquiries to the ex and the ex responds frankly and with decisive focus. Unequivocally, no future for the Black woman with him. As she watched the footage of his clearly self-adjusted perspectives, she broke down. It was unfair to her. He is not a man and won't be any time soon.

I related to that woman. When somebody refuses to give you their all, it ain't because they are stuck somewhere and don't know how to leave. It is because they are secretly telling you that you just aren't what they want. You do not fit the bill. And we lie to ourselves. We tell ourselves that things are great. We tell ourselves that there is endless amounts of hope and potential. The truth is, that is no land for one sided connections. That person does not want you. Take your thirsty ass on. Give up on the dream with them because it will never be, even if it does come true someday. Trust.

I'm stubborn. I'm a believer. I'm a dreamer. I'm a fool. And that is what it takes to truly love but the pain will never be worthwhile. The learning, opportunity & experience/scenario as aspects of the connection that should not be underestimated. Really, keep it moving when the person isn't feeding your needs. Simple truth is I've been in some shitty relationships but I thought they were great because my standards are so low. The worse part is that these women always tell me that my standards are too high. They claim that I don't accept them for who they are but they come with endless conditions like I gotta have a job, gotta be tall enough, gotta be handsome, gotta have good dick, gotta be all these things but they ain't gotta be who I'm seeking?

I have dealt with quite a bit of myopic hypocrisy. I have this many(___)sads behind it. Most people are the same/similar. Every one gotta be a critic. Everyone gotta be the top, most intelligent person. There is rarely any humility floating around. And from my experience, the first people to mention any description(esp. to the lacking effect) are typically the people with the lowest capacity for that trait. Such is a bitter irony of life. It jades and it burns. And instead of growing, people choose to never learn. Again, the sads.

I've been called a litany of insults simply because I did not agree with people. There is no such thing as talking to fools. Talking to fools morphs into arguing with fools, regardless of the qualities of your voice. The only route is silence. Avoidance. Snobbing. And guess what...that simple truth is a jading, emotional tumult. The bright side is that your frustration doesn't grow because of their ignorance. It is merely a consistent feed of indignation at the simplicity of these automatons.

Whether I cared about humanity before or what ever, I suppose that hasn't changed but I am jading...giving up....going through a cessation of fucks manufacturing. Demand had already out paced production. That means I am fresh out of fucks to give. Hedgehog's dilemma. Fuck a hog.

Complaints

At least one person in this world will have an immediate connection to the title. But I don't want you to think this song is about you(only some of it is).

Complaints are a sign of discomfort, dissatisfaction or displeasure. (IDC if those are damn near synonyms).

Speak up. Don't live in frustration and drag other people into a melancholy ambiance every time they are around you. I believe that communication overcomes trying to soldier through stuff silently. After all, you cannot bottle your internal dissonance and keep a smile on your face, especially when you don't see the situation as life and death.


 I have a few complaints. I might as well just list them despite not having a limit in mind.
COMPLAINT #1:
WOMEN.

 They just seem to want to dog me. They are either dumb or doing a damn good job playing dumb. Inconsiderate. No, it would not be a good look for you to stay with your ex and try to build a relationship with me; how could that make any sense to you? No, it is not a good idea to cry over some dude from your past because he is finally moving forward. No, it is not a good idea to limit your time with me because you have a hard time dealing with your task at hand without it getting in the way of our connection. No, you cannot expect that you will be respected if all I feel like is that you've been disrespecting me...what kind of bullshit is that?
Re: Women will ask you to do the dumbest shit for her to enjoy her time with another man; for you to be where you were before you met her minus an abundance of resources. Women just don't make any got damn sense and expect this shit to fly out the kindness of your heart/soul just because you may observe a religion. It is that kind of bullshit that will sap a muthafucka of all the heart and love and passion that he ever had. Because all you can do is try. It ain't fuck all women but definitely FUCK WOMEN IN GENERAL. 

COMPLAINT #2:
WHITE FOLK(Men in particular).

 How much fear can whites have in general to be afraid of EVERY GOT DAMN BLACK MAN? Let me guess, we are all criminal masterminds, elephant dick slangin, violent, unevolved and under intelligent beasts, right? An incredible amount of this social dogma surrounding Blacks in general are propogated by fearful, ignorant and isolated white folk. Don't know shit but swear they know everything because they heard that somebody read a few words outta an old book and decided that the person knew everything they talked about. I swear. White & Black wouldn't be an issue if there wasn't such a fucking difference in how Whites were constantly treating Blacks.

 Now, you may ask why I focused on that...well, at every milestone of the social interaction, whites controlled the conversation. They control the laws. Look at the crack compared to the cocaine, the marijuana compared to the XTC or any other slightly higher end drug. Whites merely assume the worse about you the darker your skin is. Watching BAIT about planted cars. They actually let the little mexicans go with a warning and even called the lil italian kid a GOOD Samaritan despite him joy riding the Escalade around the block. But the Black guy who hopped in and out was guilty because WHO KNOWS WHAT HE WOULD HAVE EVENTUALLY done with the car. This shit could barely be more blatant. But people don't see shit because it reinforces their stereotypical beliefs subtly & it doesn't effect them in any meaningful way. Division is a simple math and even simpler when you have access to the root of social interaction: LAW.


COMPLAINT #3:

Idealism.

 You know what...that should be enough on that topic. It is obvious that fact is stranger than fiction. I don't really need to detail how horribly inaccurate you would be if you stuck to textbook application of logic. I tell you what. Naw yo, b, I cannot even go any further...I'm hot yo...this illin ass system got my mad heated with they iggin asses. Grrr...(okay, I ain't really mad but the game is back on...so, I'm just gon' go back and watch it. Fuck a draft)

Grasping Insecurity

During this just passed week, there were two days in which I could have barely felt more insecure. I questioned & doubted every aspect of my life that I came to experience. That sucked. The sensation was unexpected and overwhelming. The days after that, I was brimming with confidence. Nothing could tear me down and even the doubts I experienced were no more unsettling than a gentle breeze. I question whether these are the beginnings of a psychosis or neurosis. I can comfortably question myself & sanity because there is nothing intimidating about sanity (or the lack thereof)to me. I began writing an overview of a fantasy novel. Not sure why, but I truly felt compelled. It was barely 400 words. I want to get to at least 10,000 words before I begin sharing too much about the ideas. For all I know, there is already a movie in the works. But I'm going to continue with my ideas until I can no longer swear to being the composer/originator/creator. A great deal of my thoughts of lack were focused on my skill. In every sense, I felt inadequate. I felt worthless. Coming up from the Nadir to hit a Zenith and slowly but surely level off doesn't seem very normal. I have needed to regulate my emotions for quite some time. Dating back to childhood, I didn't have much in the way of coddling. I wish I had. I wished for more hugs and asked for them. I rarely received them. Now, women call me clingy. I'll be that. I need what I need. And I do not need some woman who cannot accept that part of me. Insecurity and all aside, I cannot imagine being any other way than I am. I wouldn't like that person as much as I like this one. And I realize that I've been rambling. Well, looks like today was a day to vent. Meh well.

If I were to study the graphs of my emotional state, I wonder what the readout would illustrate. Would it be of a predominantly happy person, prone to paroxysms? Or, would it be of a morose, ponder prone & pensive panderer? At the moment, only God knows. And that's if you believe in him.