Sunday, April 5, 2015

Take a few steps into yesterday with me....last 12 months, anyway

I've been away from blogging, especially the emotional stuff that I had been doing. No venting. Little actual emotional growth. It has been very much more emotional sorting. Blogging for me has been solely about growth through expression. Which is why I feel I've been gone.

It could be that I simply felt nobody was reading. It could be that I had nothing that I deeply wanted to share with the internet. It could be any of those reasons BUT I'm not here for that right now.

I am not nearly who I was....I am the same guy but much has changed. My morality, I guess I let that go. Or maybe not. I am often told that I am very rigid. I began considering myself a bit of a manic. I don't go through bouts of depression or simply feeling down. I'm far too busy working. I love my dog and she's much more like a sacred life to me than I feel a dog should be.

Hmm, seems I was wrong. I should have continued typing away for those last 12 months. I have much to say. Like how I am in the gym whenever I can find the time which is 5 days a week strong. I have enough growth on my thighs and my chest that my arms and calves don't look like they belong to the same body. I mean, they've grown as well, just not as well. If you follow my intended meaning.

I was really bad at getting what I wanted so I didn't try unless I could smell success from hello. Only now, I always smell success from hello. I could be a right slut but adding bodies isn't my goal. And I'm not chasing sex as much as I'm searching deeply for something that people who don't have try to get from me and people that do have are clueless about their possession. It does annoy.

Age isn't such a big issue to me anymore. I know how to work around the lacking intellects a bit better. Education level also isn't as difficult for me to stride from top to bottom. Color also doesn't inhibit me like it once did. In many ways, I've spread my wings and decided for myself that I wouldn't be held back by what I wanted because of something else I wanted. Which, when I think about it is confusing.

Yes, you're being hit with a lot at random all at once. I did intend to do this. I want a frappucino. I had one and can't stop thinking about it. It's stupid because I don't really like coffee like that.

So, in the last 12 months I got a DUI but was released because the officer failed to file. In that moment, I made a decision to not be the same guy again. A taxi is so much cheaper. Why was that such a hard lesson to learn? Why was I single? Why don't I have women hanging off of me at all times of the day? Silly reasons. I am human. I am susceptible to earthly weaknesses.

I bought my first new car ever. Finally got my first 2 door sports car. I am learning a trade and making decent money. Learning to keep my mouth shut and not ruin my blessings. Because based on appearance alone, I can get it. But I can overwhelm people, easily.

So, when in doubt, I use silence as my A1 steak sauce; as my Day 1 homeboys; as my ride or die diva....when things are not clear, I wait. The Universe usually speaks when I need it to.

Come take a walk with me. I gotchu.