Sunday, April 29, 2012

Law of Man

I will never understand the "law of man". It nearly voids the humanity of any person who errs against. A self righteous application despite moral deficits make it a very subjective "thing". Moreover, I view the "Law of Man" as such: the flock is bred and born into a system with which they are herded constantly. The "grayer" sheep stray while the "black" sheep are ostracized. The "white" sheep are the flow & follow of the flock. Often, the "grayer" sheep are mistaken for the "black" sheep and treated as such. Thereby invalidating their humanity. It ain't hard to tell or is it? The breakdown: The white sheep are the mindless drones of narrow-minded, often religious fanatic, ne'er do great but perennial do well types; the grayer sheep are those who either learned to think for themselves or simply became rebels without a cause because of the apparent flaws in the white sheep & the black sheep are those among us who are socially broken, derelict and despicable. I have a brother that is incarcerated. He will have no life if he manages to survive until his release date and the worst part of all is that he wasn't but a bystander to a third rate crime against a compromised party, who had all the motive for subterfuge that one would need. Nobody was murdered, scarred or diminished to crime and yet his life is virtually forfeit. If we had money, his life would have been lived without the weight of iron prison bars. His pain is my pain. I grew up without a father and the closest thing I had lay with him as he sleep. But he was gone by my twelfth birthday. The system is flawed and designed to target those with a permanent color to their skin. Why? I truly do not know. I have several thoughts on the matter. Blacks are more likely to push the limits. As bad as this sounds, I feel as if there remains a residual tone of resentment from slavery and the restrictions of the Jim Crow laws. There seems to be a flow of ingenuity coursing through the belly of the Black diaspora. When we have greater percentages both locked up for illegal inventiveness and praised for scientific dedication. Given that the greater percentage of the U.S. is White, the vast majority of inventions should hail from that demographic but clearly, necessity is the mother of invention, not Susie Q. Excuse me, I am not race baiting so much as I am clarifying that the focus of the law is wrong and that what it seems to be directed at is an underlying fear of inferiority at Black minds and potential instead of criminals and crime. I am biased. There is not a single doubt in that. My life has been thrown into a non-essential struggle based merely on the happening of a genetically predetermined chromatic institution called: black mother, black child. All I can do is laugh because even when I lose, all I do is win.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Pay my dues

I paid my dues. Got nowhere from whence I came. Basically, I am where I started. Older. Hopeless. Feeling helpless. If I learned from my lessons and still exist directionless, then what could I possibly have learned? Imbalanced people keep tugging hard on one side and pull me off balance. I cannot, will not & refuse to help anyone else. Going for mine. Going for broke. Sick to my stomach.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Few Words to Share

I have been fairly quiet in this, the Western Calendar year 2012. Why? Because I have come to not need to express myself. I do not really know. I am deeply emotional. Still. Constantly reassessing my actions and my thoughts. I want to illicit the kind of response from people that reflect my passionately earned worth. Yet, it mostly seems fruitless. I am very poor. I am not poor at all. <---Both statements are true. I am very lonely. I am deeply in love with a woman and we grow closer every day. <--Again, both statements are true. I am a happy and self-sufficient individual. I cannot live without others, it makes me miserable. <--- I am sure you get the point by now. On this sojourn of life & living, I have sought the sage of stoicism and been learned in these detached skills. The reproach is that I lose the essence of humanity that others can intuit & interpret. I appear crazy before their eyes. This creates a balancing act of how to avoid apathy but not fully succumb to empathy. Such a frustrating fulcrum of interaction. I need the work to be precise. Anyhow, the few people oblivious and blind enough to be content to avoid working on improving themselves(especially expressed as a sentiment of futility) are both lucky & pitiable. Again, I do not have much to contribute today but soon I will. The tides of energy are changing. I am slowly being pulled back to my printed tears. The memoirs of an emotionally incoherent blabber-make. Wish me well and I will do so much for you in return. Ciao besos