Sunday, September 18, 2011

PT pt 2

Advanced Big 45 Personality Test Results
Gregariousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Sociability ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Assertiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Poise |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Leadership |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Provocativeness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Self-Disclosure ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Talkativeness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Group Attachment ||||||||||||||| 46%
Extroversion ||||||||||||||||||||| 68%
Understanding |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Warmth |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Morality |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Pleasantness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Empathy |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Cooperation ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Sympathy |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Tenderness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Nurturance |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Accommodation |||||||||||||||||||||||| 76%
Conscientiousness |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Efficiency ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Purposefulness ||||||||||||||| 50%
Organization |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Rationality |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Perfectionism ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Planning ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Orderliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 63%
Stability |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Happiness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Calmness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Moderation ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Toughness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Impulse Control ||||||||||||||| 46%
Imperturbability ||||||||||||||| 46%
Cool-headedness |||||||||||| 34%
Tranquility |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Emotional Stability |||||||||||||||||| 60%
Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Ingenuity |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Reflection |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Competence |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Quickness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Introspection |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Creativity |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Imagination |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Depth |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 79%
Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Personality Test

Factor low score high score
Gregariousness 62% quiet, reclusive engaging, socially bold
Sociability 70% withdrawn, hidden warm, open, inviting
Assertiveness 70% timid, gunshy controlling, aggressive
Poise 82% uneasy around others socially comfortable
Leadership 86% stays in background prefers to lead
Provocativeness 70% modest, plays it safe bold, uninhibited, cocky
Self-Disclosure 66% private, contained very open and revealing
Talkativeness 62% quiet, stealthy, invisible motor mouth, loud
Group Attachment 46% loves solitude prefers to be with others
Understanding 74% insensitive, schizoid respectful, sympathetic
Warmth 90% disinterested in others supportive, helpful
Morality 74% break/ignore the rules play by the rules
Pleasantness 78% aloof or disagreeable gets along with others
Empathy 82% out of tune w/ others in tune with others
Cooperation 66% competitive, warlike agreeable, peaceful
Sympathy 78% socially inconsiderate socially conscious
Tenderness 74% cold hearted, selfish warm hearted, selfless
Nurturance 74% self pleasing, me first people pleasing, me last
Conscientiousness 58% reckless, unscheduled careful, planner
Efficiency 66% unreliable, lazy finisher, follows through
Dutifulness 74% leisurely, derelict strict, rule abiding
Purposefulness 50% inattentive, undisciplined prepared, focused
Organization 78% relaxed, oblivious detail oriented, anal
Cautiousness 58% impulsive, spendthrift restrained, cautious
Rationality 54% irrational, random direct, logical
Perfectionism 62% careless, error prone detail obsessed
Planning 70% disorganized, random scheduled, clean
Stability 74% easily frustrated calm, cool, unphased
Happiness 70% unhappy, dissatisfied self content, positive
Calmness 70% touchy, volatile even tempered, tolerant
Moderation 62% needs instant gratification easily delays gratification
Toughness 90% hypersensitive, moody thick skinned
Impulse Control 46% lacks self control maintains composure
Imperturbability 46% highly emotional emotionally contained
Cool-headedness 34% demanding, controlling accommodating
Tranquility 54% emotionally volatile emotionally neutral
Intellect 82% instinctive, non-analytical intellectual, analytical
Ingenuity 78% lacks new ideas innovative, novel
Reflection 86% unreflective, coarse art and beauty lover
Competence 82% slow to understand/think intellectual, brainy
Quickness 78% intellectually dependent intellectually independent
Introspection 74% not self reflective self searching
Creativity 74% dull headed synthesizer, iconoclast
Imagination 82% practical, realistic dreamer, unrealistic
Depth 82% lacks curiosity mental explorer

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Monday, September 12, 2011

Working Towards Tomorrow

As my current way of living has very few days remaining (5) and I don't see anything being as prepared as I would like or need it to be, the anxiety I'm experiencing is tantamount to breathing. I do not believe that I have too much to handle. I do not believe that I am working to slowly. I do not believe that I am fully capitalizing on the position that I've worked myself into. Let's recap.

I have limited funds. I should be relieved that I have any funds at all. I have a great wealth of meaningless possessions that I rarely ever use or acknowledge. I have three non-functioning vehicles. I have the remainder of a few days in which to sort out these things.

I have resigned myself to removing at least one of these vehicles from my possession. Junkyard or lesser, it is far beyond my realm to care any longer. The other two: one being a motorcycle, the third being the central glutton of my moments and efforts. This must change.

I find that I pour myself more readily into nouns that have the most potential regardless of whether I can actually capitalize. This seems to be a flaw. I am stressed. This wiring detail is made so much worse by the understanding that things would flow smoothly had I the proper wiring details. Unfortunately, I'm caught unaware and ungaurded with no assistance or relief from the agonies of both my ignorance and my arrogance. Had I the unlimited capital or esteem of a businessman, I would have had this venture sealed within 30 days or less. From my bumpkin-esque perspective however, this has been a completely humbling experience. Can I live? Can I get a W?

Nonetheless, I forge onward, spending as little time weighing the mistakes of my past and pushing the regretful thoughts out of focus as to not discourage myself any further. What I've done may have been easy for some. Especially if those some had a network of help. I however, was no able to piece together a strong enough network to assist me beyond the ones I contacted letting me know that I was full of fail.

I should not be dealing with this, whatever it is. I should have moved forward. I'd mock myself if it didn't take so much time and energy of which I have little to spare.

But come Thursday afternoon and progress either has been negated or realized, I AM MOVING FORWARD. More importantly than now is Tomorrow. I'm living for that day. All these problems are simply me, attempting to figure out just how to make that day better for me. Cheer for me, encourage me, pray for me, let me go, hold me back, hate me, pray for my downfall or don't. Just keep me in your thoughts, please, I need the energy. I need your emotion.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Time I Focused on What I Want

You know how gangsters are always representing where they come from as if there is a verifiable filter that removes the lacking riff raff from squeezing through and not living up to the standard? Well, I hate to tell you this but we all "bang" our origins whether it be the state and our being accustomed to sunshine or which Ivy league school we are using to verify our intellectual prowess. It can become a simply sickening act of arrogance.

What we've done can define us as killers are rarely forgiven for that act. However, to say that I'm a pervert because I peeked in on a girl when I was in the 7th grade would be inaccurate. But that is the ambiguity there within the differences of those actions. The permanence tends to be what bothers people the most.

Let me change the speed up and speak in random maxims and phrases. You can punch a man in the face but if you insult his pride, somebody is more likely to feel the consequence of that action. Don't wage a war against an unknown enemy with unknown assets. Appear weak when strong, appear strong when weak to throw your enemy for a loop. Know thyself and your enemy is a simple plan away. If you cannot beat them then you should join them and beat them from the inside out. A person cannot give an insult that they haven't first felt. This establishes and explains the vicious cycle theory. The one who breaks tradition will be the one with enough courage to stand against all loved ones for what they believe in. When you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to begin to reconsider your affiliations.

If you don't believe in positivity, then you don't have the tools necessary to understand the depth of the thoughts I am conveying via this blog.

I haven't lived for myself because it seemed pointless. But I've been abandoned far too many times. I've been alone on hard nights, life in my hands and not knowing what to do. With all of those spare moments and I still didn't have time to panic and relax. I didn't have time to think.
Now, that time has passed on. I'm beyond the point of living for others. I am left again. Sad and lonely, thoughtlessly abandoned. Except of course, for her. She is the only one willing to stand by my side. And you others denigrate her sacrifices to me because she doesn't do things the way you would prefer? She is the reason I'm alive. She is sustaining me.I smile all day because of her. Where are you? Exactly, living your life.

And that brings us to where we are. I see it is high time that I went out and grabbed some love and happiness for myself. As long as her hand is extended for me to grab onto, I will follow her into the flames of Perdition with a smile on my face. She is my reflection. She is the twinkle in my eyes. She is the silver lining to the depths of my sadness and nothing anybody thinks could break me of my conviction.

That's my woman; that is my Queen. I am her man; I am her King. And in this royalty will stand out against time & nature. Anyways, I'm falling asleep. I think she is pulling me into a dream so that we can spend some time. Good night folk....

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Neon Fazers 3.28x10

Buy me an empty box and wrap it up. Label that box with a note. Author the note to read of "hopes & the future".

Tell me how I will never be able to see your love. Remind me that only residual traces of it will ever be visible to me. Like the act of giving me anything. Detailing the time the process required to, not merely conceive but, initiate and produce the final presentable product.

Show me the time you are willing to spend with me by pointing to a clock as I unwrap this gift secretly preparing myself for what lay inside. Be sure to smile with anticipation and appreciation for my excitement of receiving a gift from you. Which clearly means something of sentiment to me.

And, as I peer into the empty box; searching for a meaning, jump for me with a hug. Cling to me with all the love you feel and the passion of how I make you feel. This, of which, is more important than the most precious of stones or the most expensive of toys. I am no mere man-child any longer. Superficial possessions bore me to no end. However, sharing with me how happy I make you feel is the best gift I could receive from anybody else...especially the ones I care about most. I am not hard to please.

Well, that is not altogether true. I need something physical to hold the memories in "manifestationed" form. My memory can be fairly dull at times and nothing serves like a good reminder than a good reminder. It can be anything really as I'm very sentimental. A piece of paper addressed to me and containing a phrase you commonly share with me is more than enough.

Either way, my birthday is rolling around soon. I'm currently in one of the best moods I've ever been in(I feel like I won the lottery) and I'm still dealing with the difficulty levels in life. The one thing I prefer more than anything else is to know that people give a damn without needing to be reminded. If they do need to be reminded that a special date is coming, then it is more like their standards and social imprint is speaking for them. Unfortunately, that just isn't the same for me.

I'd live contented on the family front if I never got another purchased gift from anybody that cares about me. That stuff is merely a confused statement of perceived obligation. I dislike allowing my loved one's to feeling forced to produce for me anything beyond emotions. Yes, I'm both cheap and extremely taxing.

To all the facebook "happy birthday" people, miss me with that. It has become customary to say happy birthday to people you don't know or don't communicate with often. But if you would have called me, I will know just because of who you are. For the people that do know, love & miss me, please remember that it only takes enough thought to show consideration and nothing more. I don't expect nor want more than that type of sacrifice from you. Just your love. Back in the '80's LL Cool J said it best "I Need Love".

Thanks to everyone who reads. Later. :-)