Until the Last Drop

In this effort of writing there will be no grand measure of poeticism, no ending moral or resounding finality to denote the end but a gradual trailing off of the thoughts.

My entire heart is open for being reformatted as to move beyond the current station of belief, passion and pain.  Simple contention however does not lend credence into actionable affect and every new construct must be verified and justified thoroughly.  This standard I will not apologize for nor find fault within myself for having stringent expectations.
Say what you mean and make your words worth the weight of the effort to the understanding and the amount of time spent awaiting. Be direct(no sugarcoats allowed).

There was a scene in a movie that made quite the impression upon me by associating several key daily operations to the task that the two actors were performing. The two men are brothers, who would occasionally race by means of swimming to a certain buoy and back to the shore with the first to arrive at shore as the winner.  One brother sets a precedence of winning that the other can by no means match regardless of training and effort.  Until, at some point, the brother that loses eventually asks the other why he(the winning brother) always wins.  The winning brother responds "because I never held anything back, while you kept energy for the swim back."

Why this is important is because I ran track- the dreaded quarter mile(400m dash)- and it made the World seem to progress in one direction; forward.  Always holding back, never considering that this two second delay could be the difference between life and death.

When the World and individual future is up in the air with such regard, every moment for maximum enjoyment must be capitalized upon.  However, the downside to that is that most regimented items of a day are thrown aside and downgraded in importance or relevance.

I am a morose character with a cheery inner glow and an over abundance of love that has been refined by the passions of my pain and my affinity for pleasures of joy.  I am a realist.  However, all that I am is what most cannot yet endure in stride and nobody wants to make time for a stranger.  Matter of fact, we judge strangers reflexively. That is okay.  Judging is a naturally occurring epiphenomena caused by caring.

Now that we have covered my train of thought and why I think that way, we should progress to why I see the flaws of people and their inner thoughts when others do not.

I do not believe that I've been gifted some divinity of reading individuals but to re-evaluate that for face value, it does not take a professional to see a disheveled or incapable operate for long before those traits become transparent.  I simply feel that paying attention is all that is required to understand the heart of others.
I see women and men go after potential mates and mentally note the issues.  Months later when these issues come to bear fruit, I find some validation that my predictions were proven.  Sometimes, it is not simple to know what you see but thats when we use terms such as "feel" and "sense" and "perceive" to attempt to convey our beliefs.

Often, when asked I give what I best know to fit the questions I'm asked but I am often asked the wrong questions and when I answer the questions honestly people believe that my response is inaccurate. Attempting to "jack" my affirmations before I can find them.  I have found this to be an Ego related attack and that their predictability is somehow an insult to their lack of originality.  However, the contradiction in both thoughts is that there is no original form but combinations are far more individually motivated.
Thus, I define a part of the whole and they take offense as a whole on the basis that the sum of the parts is greater than the whole.  Which, I find confusing but people often make this misattribution to soothe their fear of inner inadequacy on the same hinge as their accusation.  This is where you serve as a mirror for them as if you are intended to hurl this same accusation back at them. Perhaps, I'm guilty of this very same phenomenon.  Amusing musings.

As I find my convoluted thoughts disarming on a personal level, I realize that this is the primary reasoning that separates me from the greater majority of individuals.  I am told by numerous individuals that I speak like a millionaire and think like a man hated by the World.  My only response is typically, "what kind of millionaires do you know?"
Over the course of my life, I have known several millionaires.  Learned from them and watched them interact with other people.  I can see why people would say I reminded them of millionaires; I ask people to raise themselves to my standards.  This is socially irresponsible of me.  I have a winner's attitude because I've won a great deal of athletic competitions in my adolescence and did not understand quitting.
So this heart of mine Loves with reckless abandon, desires without limitations, ekes compassion as if it were water freely eschewed from the precipice of any waterfall and captures the memory of those who love back as if in defiant refusal of forgetting.
Lately, however, I've received countless words that claim I am mean, that claim I am selfish. I cannot deny the selfishness because well, I say "I" a lot.  I feel like that "I" expresses my perspective...it isn't anybody else speaking but its also awkward to fall into sentences.
I've been told that I'm lazy but I do not know a body that works harder when at work.
Perception is a funny thing.
The rules are not the same for everybody.
Life will never be fair and any semblance is only imaginary.  Additionally, anybody selling you fairytales is taking advantage of your ignorance parasitically.
So as the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts, I realize that such is related to harmony.
Harmony is the story of my life.
Harmony is what I've been searching for ever since the concept of happiness was introduced to me.
That is what I seek and when I find myself disenchanted with the possibility of finding it, it is always harmony.  When I persist, it is only because I can taste the Harmony and when I feel like giving up it is because I've found no microcosm of harmony to put my faith in.

Contradictions can only exist when they find Harmony.  So, I'm not a walking contradiction but a walking wind of Harmony.  And from this point on, I will not turn around as Orpheus did but push forward with every ounce of my life until the last drop is forced out.

Til next time, it is all Love

Being Alone

There are plenty of situations that when measured as individuals against the leap of a generalization of the greater society, the individual appears squeaky clean and immaculately polished. Though, there are some definite sayings that I believe -when given some alternating perspective- will help grasp the overall view of how protection & love and adversarial relationships develop progress in a confounding manner.

1. "Diamond in the rough" : While given that the dirt is hardly a place for something so cherished and prized as a diamond, there is no denying that had it not been buried beneath all that is not treasured, then whoever would have found it would not cherish the diamond with the same passion or zeal.
All those viewed as peers are the dirt(I know it sounds arrogant but hang in there with me). Not that they are worthless but soil is only worth what it can do.  A diamond however is worth the appreciation, admiration and rarity that can be seen via the brilliant reflections the diamond gives off. It is worth what it brings out of an individual. (Hint: if you want to be the diamond; think of others first, always.)

2. "Do not look down on anyone because even children know things that you do not.": While this is fairly self-explanatory, the oft over looked nugget of wisdom may still jar comfort and complacency from focus-to-blur without notice. In our busy days, we use heuristics(basically stereotypes) to navigate situations and cut down on the necessary processing but in our haste we waste the most precious of all; appreciation.

Consider that offending people is what causes people to be alone. Often, it is not success but attitudes and actions that cause people to "hate" or begrudge success.  What has been done to cherish the individual? What has been done to make them feel worth living? The quickest way into the heart of another is to recognize them for what they are and what they aspire to be.  Listen to them as they talk.

At the end of life, the agent that affected the most change, earned the most money, garnered the most respect and experienced the most pleasure are never one in the same.  Isn't life all about balance for a reason? (Consider: All things in moderation.)

The Root of Acuity

Who hasn't been traveling to some destination to accomplish one of life's many obligations and noticed an unanticipated interaction between two or more parties? Given greater attention you notice that the parties are not only shocked but frustrated and overwhelmed with the new set of obligations.  How do you decide who is at fault when it is clear both people have had a communication error. Sure, it is possible that one party may be more responsible than another but who says that you know best what causes this communication break down?

What do you focus on? What have you decided would increase the culpability of one party and decrease the culpability of the other? Is that the standard that you would want to be judged based by?

For all intents and purposes, the set you have for judging others determines how you will interact with people on a general basis.  This also provides insight to whether you take the stance of a victim or the one that overcomes the obstacles placed before you.

If you are willing to forget your pride long enough to look at the raw worth of your actions and how others perceive you, then maybe you can see what you need to improve; open yourself up to constructive criticism and become a successful member of the World that needs your help.

Anybody can see that this World is in an overall decline, especially socially.  What the people do about it is what matters most.  What are you going to do about it? Are you going to be prideful and decide that what you have made of yourself is good enough or are you going to allow people who care and sacrifice for the sake of future generations to help you learn the best ways to sacrifice together?  What is pride when you are gone and your descendants are lost in the struggle? Pull that heart out and show effort that you care.  Words are beautiful, especially when those words are married to meaningful actions.

Last Man on Earth

The time has come to make introductions. Considering that I am the author of this weblog, I recognize the obligation to take the first efforts in opening up and sharing some fragments from the "mirror" known as my past.

Being born in San Diego, California gave me a taste of sunshine at it's finest.  Despite the poverty and overwhelming lack; the misery was more of a side note than the center of focus. At that time modesty is all there was as ramen noodles and sugar sandwiches were an integral part of the diet.

Military relocation plan, destination Germany. After Deutschland the plan was a return to the home of the brave. This move was for the beautiful but rainy state of Washington. A mere ripple in time 18 years later, an individual awakes into a mindset Heaven-bent on transcendental improvement through the efforts and preparation that only a severe attitude adjustment could offer.

There was a point when I felt the vastness of my  superiority like the majority of these self importing entertainers and supposed artist.  You know them, when they declare absurd claims of being the "last real" gangster; businessman; hard-worker; type of a dying breed; etc.
Well, I refer to them as "the last man on Earth" because that is indicative of how they treat people, like there is no such other that could compare to them.  Beyond their intelligence is their ignorance, which shatters intimacy and acceptance on a personal platform.

In my life; in other chapters, the center was never to deviate from the self.  Perpetually relating all things perceived back to the only thing thought to be known; the thoughts/ego/self/persona/physical manifestation represented & defined in mental and spiritual constraints.  Where only the knowledge one commands determines the worth. But there is a saying, "You are worth as many people as the languages that you speak." which was instrumental in helping to refine my understanding of intellect and community.

Ultimately, there will be those of whatever echelon of awareness that will claim absolute grasp of information and wealth but the thing that is most important is the unknown unknowns. In other words, perception is life and if your perception is bathed in faith of self then you have the misfortune of being particularly lost within the darkness of pride. You will never know that your eyes have been closed until you finally open them. Just pray that you aren't the "last man on Earth" when you come to humility.